The Walking Disaster
by DragonflyDreamer
Summary: Elizabeth deals with the fallout of her kidnapping, including the responsibility of dealing with Anthony Zachara. Honestly, the whole canvas is in on this story. Liz is just the main character. There's a lot of Johnny and Matt though
1. Chapter 1

**A Walking Disaster**

After Elizabeth survives her kidnapping by Anthony's goons, she must overcome her fears to take him down- and she must put her faith in Johnny Zachara to do it. Not everyone agrees that her decision is best, including her new friend Matt. Yet she must somehow make it work in order to protect herself, and her children.

Author's note: This is an Elizabeth fic, not really a couple fic. The only guarantee I can give is that she's on friendly terms with Jason and Lucky in this, she will not be romantically entangled with either. I'm cleaning up the messes TIIC left Liz with, essentially.

Events up to when Elizabeth is taken stand (except Jason now has his Jason Q memories, and left town. Sam followed)- after that, nothing. It's all this story, and what this story tells you happened in that time.

**A Walking Disaster**

**Prologue**

Her wrists hurt, and her tongue was swollen from lack of hydration. How long had it been since she was able to drink water? Eat food? Sleep? Time meant nothing. It was all endless.

Her hands were bound behind the uncomfortable wooden chair she sat on, and her ankles were bound tightly as well. She could see nothing- and somewhere in the back of her terrified mind she wondered if that was better.

She remembered Manny's hand over her mouth, the way the world rocked and rolled, as he pulled her from side to side to let her know who was in control. Her heart had been pounding, she had felt his heart pounding against her back in time with hers. His kindness, intermixed with his obvious appreciation of his power of her had left her reeling. Sometimes she still dreamed of him...wondered if he was really alive.

She remembered the walls of the crypt, the names of the dead that she feared she would soon join, the feel of Zander's mouth on hers as she tried to drown out the fear, and the panic that bubbled in her chest. The world had blurred in there, and disappeared.

She remembered the world falling when someone pushed her down the steps on the docks.

She remembered the stars rolling backwards, as Tom Baker stripped her of her childhood, and her innocence. Leaving her body had been the only option- an option she wished she had currently. It was painful...

All of that...she saw.

Maybe, just maybe the blackness was a blessing.

However her imagination took hold, and the images she conjured were some kind of sick amalgamation of every terror that she had seen before this. Her breath was labored, her heart thundering, and every part of her ached from fighting with the ropes.

Helpless. How many times was she going to be helpless?

_I'm going to die like this. They aren't coming back here- I'll die of thirst. I'm already so thirsty. _

She had never felt thirst like this, it burned and ached inside her, with a throbbing that let her think of nothing else for too long. Thoughts were interrupted by the need for water.

The thought echoed through her mind.

She fought with the ropes, although the continued their burning against her skin. It seared through her, but she worked on. They were a little more loose than before, she could move her wrists just a little more than she could an hour ago.

_Come on, Lizzie. You can do this. You have to do this. Cam can't lose anyone else, he couldn't handle it._

She fought some more, jumping the chair up, and backwards, the sounds and feelings of it echoed pain through her head and body. Maybe there was a wall with an edge behind her. She could use the edge to help rip at the ropes, she had been working towards that goal for some time now- it had to be approaching, it had to be.. _I keep ping ponging between wishing I could see, and being glad that I can't. Ugh. Coherent thought-how I miss you..._

_Water. I just want some water._

She tried again to jump her chair backwards, and instead found the stability of the chair compromised, sending her into a split second free fall to the floor with a loud, painful and jarring thud. It took her a moment to get composed, more than a moment if she was being honest with herself. Her head was still wringing, as she wiggled against the ropes. The ground beneath her was cool against her cheek- but not smooth. There was dirt, or something pressing into her skin.

Not. Not dirt.

Glass.

It was glass!

She let out a little breath of excitement, and let her hands feel, as much as they could, for a piece for her to use. The lack of mobility was frustrating, and she thought about giving up more than once.

When she found one, it was a "be careful what you wish for" kind of moment, because she felt the sharpness slice cleanly through her hand. It didn't stop her, she tried to cry out, but no sound came out from her parched throat.

But she worked with the glass regardless, and tried, several times, to angle it to saw through her ropes. Each time a new cut emerged on her hands, until finally her hands were free.

Free, but uncooperative. Her limbs, having been fastened behind a chair for so long, cramped up, and tried as she might, she couldn't get them to move at first. Slowly, but surely, she managed to get them in front of her, so that she could take off her blindfold. She felt the wetness on her face as she removed the blindfold, and she knew that she had blood smeared there- but really, it was the least of her worries.

Her eyes were unfocused, her surroundings blurred from lack of sight and dryness. It looked like a warehouse- there were crates stacked everywhere. She worked at the ropes on her feet, groaning in pain as she willed her cramped up body to bend forward to get to her final bindings.

_Water..._

Slowly, painfully, she got to her feet. Every part of her ached with thirst, hunger, and muscle tension. She couldn't remember being in so much pain- then she was hit with another flash. Her lungs feeling like concrete, every breath being excruciatingly painful- the toxin, that hurt more, didn't it? She couldn't recall. Her new pain eclipsed her memories.

_Just a little water..._

First she got to her knees, and on her hands, the dirt getting into the cuts, and searing pain going up through her palms, to her arms. Her eyes were beginning to focus- no windows. The glass came from a bottle. Damn. She had been hoping for a window. Whatever colors the walls used to be, they were faded into a dull, miserable gray that was peeling off to a rotted, dark brown underneath. The floor was an unforgiving, unyielding concrete. No escape there.

It was dark, she could barely see- if it weren't for the skylight in the ceiling, she doubted she'd be able to see at all.

Her throat was too dry for her to call out, her tongue too thick and rough in her mouth.

Finally to her feet, she staggered toward the door. First she tried it, and looked down to see the bloody doorknob. She tried it again. Then, out of desperation, put her full force of body weight, and slammed her shoulder into it.

Nothing.

_I'm going to die here._

_Stop it. How many times have you thought you were going to die, Elizabeth? How many? You've lived every time._

_I'm running out of lives._

Elizabeth shook her head, and then turned around, taking a mental inventory of possible weapons, for escape tools.

About a dozen crates, the broken glass bottles on the ground, a wooden chair, some ropes...and that was it. _Shit. Fuck. Damn._ The string of curse words continued in her head, as she crossed the warehouse to the garage door, where they would unload their cargo.

_There is no way that I can lift that door._

She tried anyway.

She broke the chair to try and make a levy to pry it open, just enough for her to squeeze out. It took a few tries, and she knew what she was being fueled by. It was desperation that drove her through exhaustion, through her dehydration, through the hopelessness that was her current situation. It was useless, the door didn't budge.

_I won't give up, Cam. I won't give up, Aidan. Mommy isn't going to give up on you._

She made her way back to the original door she had tried to open. Somehow...she had to get through that door. There was a piece of wood in her hand from the chair she had broken for pieces, and she used it to slam into the knob. Vibrations from the blow went through her body, but she did it again.

When she wanted to give up, she pictured Cam's sweet little face, and her promise as a child that she would never leave him like her parents left her.

_I won't let you down._

She hit it again.

And again.

Then stopped. Because she heard something outside, a noise, she heard the doorknob jiggle slightly. She heard it again. At first she wanted to call out for help- but what if it was the man who put her in here? Panicked, she dashed towards a crate, and hid behind it. Her breath was coming so hard that she thought whoever was trying to get in could hear it.

The lock released, the sound echoed through the mostly empty room.

Her hands gripped the piece of wood in one hand, she knelt down, and picked up the piece of glass for the other.

The second he emerged in the room, she rushed him- not caring who it was, not even looking. A whoosh went out from her lungs as she went, raising her arm with the piece of wood.

Instead of hitting him she felt a blow to her chest, and she went careening backwards. "Oh my God, Elizabeth!"

It was Johnny Zacharra.

She stared at him, for about half a second, then dashed past him toward the door unthinkingly. This resulted in her being swept off of her feet by another unknown assailant. She didn't think, she reacted by swinging her chair fragment at his head, then hit him again in the stomach. The only reason she knew it connected was the sound- she wasn't feeling anything anymore.

A glint of dark caught her eye. A gun. He had a gun- and it was him, the janitor. But he wasn't aiming the gun at her, he was aiming at Johnny.

Didn't matter. She swung again. She hit the gun from his hands- or she thought she did.

But then everything went black.

**Walking Disaster**

**Chapter One**

"Hey, Jake, over here." Elizabeth jogged through the field after her son, then scooped him up into her arms and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "You little rascal, don't shouldn't go running off like that."

It was a beautiful summer day, with bright blue skies, and a luminous, cheerful sun. Jake was soft, and sweet in her arms. He smelled like grass, honeysuckle, and sunflowers from the field he that had been rolling around little blue shirt that matched his eyes was rumbled, with a few fresh stains on it, and his black gym shorts were just as messy. "Come on, lets go back to the lake, Jakey. Em's there with a picnic. Do you really want to miss that?"

"No! I love Em's picnics!"

Elizabeth laughed at his exuberance, and held him tighter as she started through the grass towards her position next to the lake.

Emily was smiling brightly, waving for them to join her on the blanket, overlooking the serene waters that reflected the sunlight. She was like a ray of sunshine herself, in the sweet yellow halter dress, that looked even lighter against her sun kissed skin. "Jeez you two, way to make a girl wait!"

She stood up and took Jake from Elizabeth's arms, giving him an Eskimo kiss before setting him down on the blanket. "All of our favorites better be in there, Emily."

"Of course," she gave her a 'duh' look, before kneeling down on the blanket, and reaching into the large picnic basket. "Mmmmm, ribs!"

Giggling, Elizabeth took a plate of ribs from her friend. "Now come here, Jake- I'm going to teach you how to eat ribs. You don't do it with a fork, right? Remember how daddy Lucky hates that."

"I'm going to make a _big_ mess." Jake told her proudly, and took a piece from his mother with a lopsided grin.

"He's so like you, it's scary." Emily retorted with a snort.

Elizabeth made a face, "you don't think that's like Lucky or Jason?"

"Making big messes? Running off? Being too brave for their own good? No. That sounds like Elizabeth Webber." She responded matter-of-factly. "The longer I'm with him, the less I miss you, Elizabeth. Although, I have to admit, Cam's a little more like you than Jake is. I mean, that kid can draw- and impulsive should have been his middle name, not Steven."

"He's lucky. It was almost Emily, boy or no."

Her best friend giggled, then watched as Jake abandoned the food to go play with some trucks he had left a few feet away. " Speaking of messes, dear friend. We've been avoiding one mess in particular. "

Elizabeth chewed nervously on her lower lip, "and what mess is that?"

"Oh, I don't know. How about you sleeping with Nikolas, while engaged to Lucky?"

Elizabeth wouldn't look at her friend, "do we really have to discuss that? It's been so happy here, so peaceful. I had almost forgotten all about it."

"Is that what you want?"

"Yes." She answered quickly, "of course it is. I trashed my life, I trashed Lucky's, and I trashed Nikolas' too. Why would I want to remember it? Why would I want to go back there?" She pulled her knees up to her chest, and still did not look at her friend. "I had never felt so lost before, Em. Never."

"Why? What was hurting you so badly?"

"I don't even know."

Elizabeth felt Emily's hand on her shoulder, and finally she looked into those golden brown eyes that held nothing but peace, and love. "You do, Elizabeth. You know- but you need to admit it, you need to put it out in the open."

"Wh-why?"

"So you can move on. Not just from the guilt, but from Lucky. Your seeking his forgiveness is what got you kidnapped in the first place, Elizabeth. You've been obsessed with it, obsessed with making it all up to him."

"Not to him." Elizabeth relented, feeling tears burn her eyes. "To me. I'm making it up to me."

"Why not to him?"

"I..."

"Go on, say it."

"Wait...did you hear that?" Elizabeth stood, in an instant, "did you hear it?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"How is she?"

Matt looked up from Elizabeth Webber's chart to the concerned gaze of Lulu Spencer. Behind her was Johnny Zachara, the prime suspect in Elizabeth's kidnapping. They were a strange pair to see, if their history wasn't known. The dark mob prince, and the Spencer darling. She was pretty, blond, and well dressed. He was dark, brooding, in a white tee, and blue jeans. All he was missing was a leather jacket to complete the greaser stereotype.

Matt had heard the theory. The cops believed that Anthony took Elizabeth because she witnessed one of his thugs heading the drug ring, Johnny was in on this, but the son couldn't stomach killing an innocent girl, and so he went to save her- or scare her into silence.

Well, she was sure as hell silent now. Maybe forever. Elizabeth's coma had lasted three days, which mirrored her time in captivity, from their examination it seemed she had gone that long without water, or food. She was shot in the abdomen, and the blow to her head from a fall landed her in her comatose state. She was lucky to be alive, really, even if it was just barely.

So when he looked past Lulu, staring into Johnny's dark eyes he said. "Still barely holding on."

Lulu sucked in a sharp breath, and he could see pain flash across her beautiful features. From what he knew, they weren't that close- so he wondered who that pain was really for. "Why don't you go in there and talk to her Lulu, I could go in with you, if you're afraid."

"Why would I be afraid?" She asked, straightening her shoulders.

He gave her a half-smile, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Come on, sometimes talking to a patient helps."

He turned around to see the police guard looking back at him, but the imposing Latino officer let him pass and allowed Lulu to as well.

Elizabeth, still hooked up to the quietly running machines, letting their beeping off quietly as her vitals remained as they were, looked like a little girl sleeping. Truthfully, Matt didn't quite know her age, she looked very young though, and in this situation younger still.

"Do you think she'll wake up?"

"We don't know."

Lulu nodded, "yeah. Yeah, Lucky already told me that. I, um...I just, I don't know why I asked."

"Because you want her to." Matt responded softly, he walked up to the bed. "Hey Elizabeth, Lulu came by to see you. I thought you could use the company, it's been pretty slow today." His tone was conversational, and calm. He could see Lulu reacting to it, her shoulders lowering, and the expression on her face easing. " I checked all of your vitals, and it's all pretty good. There was a little trouble with your wound today, it's not healing like we want it to, so you get to go on another field trip to testing tomorrow morning."

"What could be wrong?" Lulu asked.

Matt turned to her, "well, any number of things, I don't want to say something, in case I'm wrong. But we're pretty sure we can take care of it with some medication."

"Oh." Lulu stepped up, "can I say something to her?"

"Sure. She can probably hear you."

Lulu nodded, "hey, Elizabeth. Maxie said Matt here has been taking good care of you. I think she's getting jealous- and we all know how that could turn out."

Matt rolled his eyes, but said nothing.

"You need to come back. Cam needs his mom, Aidan needs a chance to get to know you. I don't know if you can hear me, but if you can, I'm telling you that I need you to come back because I can't help Lucky take care of those kids on my own. I don't know how. I don't even know if Lucky would survive losing you too. He's already on edge-"

"Lucky can take care of Lucky." Matt interrupted, "so don't sweat that too much, Elizabeth. You just worry about getting better, and giving your boys some serious hugs. You have some making up to do, right?" He smiled, stepped forward and played with her blanket a little, making sure that her feet were covered. "Lets let Elizabeth get her rest, okay?"

Lulu nodded, looked back once at Elizabeth, then walked quietly out of the room. When the door was closed behind them, Matt raised a brow. "If he's using again, I don't want him near this room."

"What?" Lulu turned around, eyes fierce, "what gives you the-"

"I'm her doctor." He answered succinctly, "she is my first priority. So if your brother is using, keep him out of here. Got it?"

Lulu opened her mouth to speak, then snapped it shut. She was silent for a long time, then in a low voice she told him, "he was using, but he stopped. He's...not fine but...he's not high."

"Then he can come by- I would suggest supervision."

"Like you just did with me?"

"She needs positivity right now, Lulu. She doesn't need people trying to weigh her down with their crap. As far as I'm concerned, Lucky got her into this mess. Do _not_ look at me that way. He did. He knew if he asked her for the moon that she would have died trying to get it for him. He used that. Because addicts? They use people."

"Well, Elizabeth owed him."

"No. Elizabeth owed him a divorce, and an apology- she didn't owe him this." Matt walked past her, then Johnny, feeling resentment within him start to build. Resentment...and fear. If his new-found friend didn't come out of this soon...she may not come out at all. He couldn't let that happen. She was his patient, she trusted him. It was his duty to come through for her.

"_Well, for what it's worth, I would have no problem putting my life in your hands."_

"_Lets hope it never comes to that."_

He stopped, and looked back down at the hall where Lulu was crying, and Johnny was taking her into his arms.

He didn't really want to admit how much this case was getting to him, he didn't want to think about working in the hospital without the nurse had worked with for three years, who was just now becoming a good friend.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Is Lucky using again?" Elizabeth turned to Emily, brows brought together in concern, "is that what she is saying?"

Emily stood up, her gaze went to Jake, then back to Elizabeth. "I've been here with you, how would I know?"

Elizabeth crossed her arms over her chest, and bent her head down, "all of this is my fault, you know. If I hadn't had that affair...Jake would still be alive, Nikolas would never have left, and Lucky never would have even met Siobhan, so she'd be alive too."

"Or maybe Cam would be dead instead, maybe Nikolas would be- that's the problem with 'what if', Elizabeth. People want to go back, they want to fix things, with no thought to what else could break."

Elizabeth swallowed hard, taking in a deep, steadying breath. "I really do love Lucky."

"But?"

"But nothing. I do." Elizabeth turned around and walked toward Jake, ruffling his hair as she sat down beside him, and picked up his toy motorcycle. She rode it around him, and he laughed, trying to catch it with his hand, but she was too fast for him. Finally she relented, and he caught it with a cheer of jubilation. "You're such a handsome guy, you know that, Jakey?"

"Yup. You tell me all the time."

"Yes, yes I do."

"Elizabeth, you're stalling." Emily was beside her, though Elizabeth hadn't heard her approach. "It won't work. You can't stay here forever."

"Because I'll die?" Elizabeth asked softly, "or because I'm returning to them?"

"That's not up to me."

"Is it up to me? Do I have a choice?"

Emily shrugged, "I don't know. I just know we don't have much time left." She knelt down and looked her friend in the eye, "I'm your best friend, I just want you to find some kind of peace, Elizabeth, that's all."

"Peace? How? You're gone, Jake's gone...I ruined things with Lucky, my friendship with Nikolas is in tatters. Tell me, how can I make peace with that?" Elizabeth stood up, she kissed her son on the head. "If I don't have much time here, I don't want to talk about this stuff. I want to spend it with Jakey, and you, eating delicious food, and being happy."

"I want _you_ to be happy, mom." Jake looked up with his bright blue eyes, "it's why we're here."

She felt that pain she usually got right behind her eyes before the tears came. When they fell, they were fast but quiet, and she looked at a sorrowful, but loving Emily. "Can I ask again?"

Emily nodded.

"Is this always what it is like, where you are?"

"No. But it's always a good place- and I always have Jake."

"And you're happy? He's happy?"

Emily nodded, "of course. But it hurts us that you aren't." She reached over, and with a thumb wiped away some of Elizabeth's tears from her cheek. "Let me say it for you? You need to hear it."

"Em..."

"You never got over it, what Lucky did to you, the addiction, the affair- it was always there, wasn't it?"

Elizabeth was already shaking her head before she spoke, "no, no, no. I forgave him. It's over now. He was...sick..."

"He failed you." Emily went on with perseverance. "Sick or not- it was on him, Elizabeth. He checked out of all of it."She pulled Elizabeth into her arms, "I know you forgave him. I know that you did. But you didn't forget, right? It was still there- the way he let you down like everybody else did. Like your parents, like Sarah, and Steven..."

"I'm- I'm an adult, I'm over all that."

"And when did you get over that, Elizabeth?"

Elizabeth pulled out of her embrace and looked deeply into her eyes. "I grew up."

"You did- but that ache didn't leave, and Lucky just compounded it. I'm not saying that this affair with Nikolas was his fault. It wasn't. You did it. But you needed to know why, and you didn't. You accepted responsibility for it- and then felt guilt. That doesn't fix anything, it doesn't make it right. You need to know why, to understand it, so you can heal too. " She was nodding, "you need to forgive yourself, you need to stop trying to make it up to Lucky, and you need to move on."

"What if I can't?"

"You have to. You don't have a choice."

Elizabeth looked around, it was getting darker out. Jake was back on the blanket, curled up in a little ball and sleeping with a smile on his face. Elizabeth looked back to Emily. "I wanted to be loved like you. Not just like how people loved you, I wanted to someone to love me, like I loved you, Em. Unconditional. Permanent. I thought...Nikolas was the closest thing to that- we've had spats but...we always made up, we always came back to each other. He was the closest thing I had to that feeling."

Emily nodded, "I know."

"Lucky couldn't make me feel that way anymore. He used to fill me up, and I felt so important. It wasn't like that anymore though, and I should have told him that."

"You should have." Emily agreed quietly.

"He failed me. I failed him. I guess it's over now." Elizabeth looked down at her hands, "I miss Nikolas. I blamed him, some part of me did, and I pushed him away. It wasn't his fault though...he was just looking for you."

"It was his fault too." Emily said quietly, "he knew better. You both did. Elizabeth, he needs your friendship back. The three of you- you guys need each other."

"Yeah." Elizabeth felt that thick, tight feeling in her chest start to loosen. "But I don't know if I'm going back- I need to. I love you, and I love Jake...but you two are safe, and taken care of. Cam, my sweet Cam and Aidan...they need me."

"They do." Emily nodded, pulling Elizabeth into a hug, "they need you to keep them safe, Elizabeth. You have to protect them.

She hugged her friend back, desperately, squeezing as tightly as she could. "I miss you and Jake so much." She buried her head into her shoulder, "it aches...every day..."

"We miss you too." Emily whispered. "Come on, lets go sit with him- finish our picnic, Elizabeth."

Elizabeth nodded, following her friend to the picture perfect scene in front of her. Jake fluttered his eyes open, and smiled at her. "Are you feeling better, mommy?"

"Yeah." She gathered the little boy into her arms, as they sat down. "Yeah, baby, I am. I love you so much, Jake." She kissed his cheek, then his forehead, and cuddled him close to her. She didn't ant to let go, she didn't ever want to let go.

But he was reaching to the plate, and picking up some ribs, then giggling, he smeared it across Elizabeth's face. She laughed, wiped at it, and put it onto his chubby little cheek.

When he tried to retort with his own move, she put her arm up, catching his in mid throw and the messy barbecue sauce ended up on Emily's pretty yellow dress. "Oh no, you're both in for it now." She warned, reaching into her basket- only to pull out a lemon meringue pie, and take aim.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You're still here."

Johnny looked up to see Elizabeth's ex-husband staring back at him with what could only be described as guilt and suspicion intermixed. His hair was disheveled, his eyes glossy and red. Either he was crying or he was high, either way, it meant Johnny was about to get reamed...again. "I'm waiting for her."

"So she can clear your name." Lucky did not look pleased by this.

Johnny was not in the mood for that kind of garbage though. He had nothing to do with Elizabeth's fucking kidnapping, and he was tired of answering questions, deflecting suspicion, and explaining himself. "No, Spencer. I'm waiting for her to paint me a picture."

Lucky's arms were folded over his chest, and his eyes were narrow. "You're joking about this? She went without water for days, she probably didn't know if she was going to live or die- you think that's funny Johnny? You think the mother of my children being tortured is some kind of joke?"

"No." Johnny replied, standing up, "I don't. I think your fucking investigation is the joke. Maybe if you all worked a little harder you could have found her sooner. As it is, I found her- and what am I getting? A police tail, hauled into the station five times for questioning, and Sonny Corinthos walking around putting hits on my head. Who gets called in for the shooting outside this hospital? Me. I was the damn target."

"Well maybe you shouldn't go around pissing people off." Lucky shot back scathingly, "Elizabeth was found in a warehouse that belonged _to you._"

"Yeah, she was found _by me_."

"Yeah, because you had second thoughts."

"I don't hurt innocent women." Johnny shot back, "I had no fucking beef with Elizabeth, Spencer. I never really even spoke to her. She was never a concern of mine."

"Until I started busting up your drug ring." Lucky retorted, "until she started helping me, and she caught on to your illegal activities."

"Not mine." He walked past Lucky, towards the door of Elizabeth's room. His eyes focused on her through the window, the bruise down her cheek could be seen by him, even from the distance. He hadn't meant for that to happen- why had he pushed her away? _You didn't know it was her. _The silent reminder didn't really ease his conscience. "I didn't do that to her, Spencer. A guy trying to kill me did it. She saved my life, and when she wakes up, she's going to save it again by keeping me out of jail."

He said it, sounded like he meant it, but inside he wondered if she would even remember the events that transpired.

Seeing her that night...it had been a ghastly scene. She had blood up her arms, smeared on her face. She was haggard, and broken looking. Then in an instant, she was on the floor, blood was everywhere and she looked like a broken porcelain doll on the ground.

He lost ability to think right then. He shot the guy who tried to kill him, gathered Elizabeth into his arms and took her directly to the hospital.

By the time he got out of police custody his warehouse was ash on the ground. All the evidence was gone.

Deep down he knew that this was all his father's doing. Wasn't it always? And it tore him apart inside to see Elizabeth laying there, because he felt responsible. He should have taken care of his father a lot sooner...and now he couldn't, Anthony had all but vanished. He killed Siobhan, Johnny didn't doubt it, and now he was taking Elizabeth out too, while leaving him holding the bag of guilt.

"Sitting out here waiting isn't going to make her wake up any faster." Lucky said, turning to her room. "If she wakes up at all."

"She will." Johnny responded with a certainty he didn't really feel, "she has to."

Nikolas approached, Aidan in his arms- tailed by Spencer and Cameron.

"Daddy!" Cameron ran towards Lucky and jumped into his arms. The cop lifted his son and kissed him on the cheek. "Spencer and I want to see mommy. Now."

"Yes, please." Spencer added, walking up more timidly. "I drew a picture for her, like she taught me to."

Nikolas gave Lucky a meaningful look, walking past Johnny without a second glance. "I couldn't convince them that we shouldn't come. Cameron was convinced that his mother was awake, Lucky- and with Spencer there too..." He trailed off, and shrugged, "you know how they are when they are together."

Lucky put his head against Cameron's, then put a hand on top of Spencer's head, ruffling his hair a bit. The little boy tried to dodge his uncle's attempt to mess his hair up, but failed. "Stubborn, and even more stubborn as a pair. Gee, I wonder where they get it."

"She's 'wake." Cam said, his brows knitted together. Spencer was nodding, "yes, yes she is." Cam insisted.

Lucky sighed, "boys, I'm sorry- but she isn't...come on. Lets go inside..."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I'm tired." Elizabeth whispered, holding onto her son, who had already fallen asleep in her arms. "Aren't you tired?"

Emily nodded, "it's late. We should be sleeping."

The two ladies settled onto the blanket, facing each other, Jake sleeping in Elizabeth's arms, cuddled to her. "Thanks for everything, Em."

"What are friends for, hm?"

Elizabeth felt her eyes drooping downward, she could barely keep them open. "Em?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, Elizabeth."

She couldn't stave it off any longer, sleep took her captive.

When she woke, it was to the softness of children on either side of her- combined with a dull ache in her abdomen, and brightness surrounding her, that greeted her.

It was disconcerting, and Elizabeth felt displaced- confused, and her mind was very slow moving. Sluggishly, she tried to move her arms, keep her eyes open and understand what was going on- but it seemed so hard to perform these simple tasks simultaneously.

"Mommy!"

It was Cam's sweet, gentle, excited voice. She felt little arms around her. Then another set. "Aunt Eliz'beth!"

"Nikolas, quickly, get Matt."

"I tol' you, daddy. I tol' you she was awake. Didn't I tell you?"

"C-Cam?" Her eyes were unfocused, but she held onto her son, then to the other boy, whose voice she recognized. "Spencer?" A smile began to tug at her lips, and she held them more tightly. It didn't matter that every part of her was aching, and that he was pressing onto the part of her abdomen that hurt the worst.

"You were wite, Cam'ron." Spencer said happily, "Aunt Eliz'beth _is_ awake."

"Of course I was." Cam said, as if it were fact that he was always right. "

Elizabeth just hugged them both, feeling surrounded by their love. "Of course you were, baby." she told her son, then kissed his cheek, and then kissed Spencer's too.

Her eyes began to focus, and she saw Lucky standing with Aidan in his arms. Their eyes met over the children, and she tried to smile, knowing it came out all wrong. It didn't matter.

Cam and Spencer's warmth swept her away into a golden moment.

She was loved.

Soooooo...let me know what you think/want/feel with this fanfic :)


	2. Chapter 2

I want to thank you guys for the lovely responses, I was really touched by them. I'm so glad you've given the fic a chance, and liked the first two installments. Keep coming with thoughts/ideas/wants/criticisms for the fanfiction. I take them all into account when writing the story :)

I'm sorry for the long wait between chapters, I was having computer issues. I hope they are all solved now.

Eh. I'm not so sure about this chapter so if you could just stay with me until the next chapter, it should get better.

**The Walking Disaster**

**Chapter 2**

There was quite a bit of pain.

Because of that, the doctors kept her pretty medicated. She was in and out a few times. She retained little memory of her first moments of lucidity.

Her dreams dominated her mind. Sometimes they were pleasant, more often than not they were terrifying, and she would wake to a new face. They changed, from Nikolas, to Audrey, to Emily, to Matt, to Robin, to her mother, to Patrick, to Jake, to Steven, to her father, Epiphany, to Sarah, and to Lucky.

It wasn't in that order, time was not fathomable to her, let alone sequence and repetition.

She wasn't even sure how much of it was real, if she was awake, or if she was dreaming...

Just half-moments, and stray dreams glued together in some kind of collage of madness, guilt, love, hope, and misery.

There was something she was supposed to be doing though...and it nagged at her, there was something she was supposed to be remembering...but what was it? It felt like the constant hum of a song she didn't remember the lyrics or title to. Why couldn't she place it?

"Elizabeth?"

This time it was Audrey, and she was smiling down at her, "Elizabeth they've lessened your dosage, dear. The pain should be tolerable now."

There was a dull ache in her side, and Elizabeth reached to the button that would give her more, but instead she caught Audrey's hand. "Darling, they took it away."

"It...hurts..."

"I know," a hand stroked her face.

It was gone again. The world went dark, and the pain was gone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"She was fine,. She woke up pretty coherent, a little woozie because of the medications. Then, a few hours later, after some tests, she started hallucinating, and then screaming. I really mean screaming too, as though she were in absolute agony." Lucky said to the phone, as he paced outside the hospital in agitation, "I don't know, the doctors won't tell us anything- I don't even think they know."

Nikolas watched his brother talk to Sarah Webber in rapt fascination.

"I haven't seen her, neither Matt nor Audrey will let anyone else in. Those two..." Lucky shook his head, running a hand through it, "are acting like we did this to her." He stopped, listened, and then frowned. "No, Steven has been in and out. I'm not sure why he hasn't called you. He said he called your parents but..." Lucky shrugged, "they're busy." Another pause, "yes, I know all of you would come down if you could."

The lie was obvious, if Sarah had been a little more observant, she probably would have spotted it. A part of Nikolas wondered if she did catch it, and chose to ignore it.

"I'm sure Steven will call you soon. Yes, I'll give Liz and the boys your love. Okay, bye."

Lucky snapped his phone shut, and looked at Nikolas. "Her parents haven't even called, man."

"I know."

"At least I know Sarah would come down, but she's in Africa right now, and can't get back."

Nikolas arched a brow, but said nothing. "Bobbie still has the boys, right?"

Lucky nodded, "yeah, she and her new fiancée are watching them. Cam likes it when they watch him because he gets to play with his train set which is now set up through the kitchen, living room and dining room of the Brownstone."

"Oh no. Spencer is going to ask for one of those for Christmas now. Great."

Lucky sighed, "Liz was starting to purchase pieces of it to decorate the upstairs with- you know, through Cam's room, Aidan's room, and her room."

Nikolas felt a sad smile touch her lips, "she's still going to." But he wasn't convinced.

It was really eating away at him. His eyes looked past Lucky into the busy parking lot of the hospital. Families bringing in loved ones, visiting friends, planning on starting their own families. He had spent many a day looking out into this very parking lot when Emily was sick. It was Elizabeth who talked him down from hopelessness, and it was Elizabeth who believed that Emily was going to make it.

She wasn't there to feed him optimism at the moment...

And Lucky was barely holding on himself, in fact, Nikolas was pretty sure that his brother was high as a fucking kite.

_This is the father Elizabeth wanted for Aidan? This is who Elizabeth chose?_

The question stoked the fire of bitterness in his heart, and he tried to push it back.

That was why Elizabeth being sick was eating at him so. A part of him was still so angry with her over their affair, over how she treated him afterward, and over her eagerness to have Lucky be Aidan's father. He now knew the paternity to be truth, but only after he had his own, private tests done.

_I miss my friend. I miss thinking of her as my friend. Right now is when I would need Elizabeth the most, and now she may be gone forever. I never even got to make real amends with her._

"Are you okay?" Nikolas looked up to his brother's comment, and found himself under an investigative eye.

He nodded, "sure, I mean, as well as can be expected." He stood up from the bench he had been glued to for the last forty minutes. "You know, Audrey and Matt won't let us in to see her for a reason, Lucky."

"And why is that?"

"Because neither of us look at Elizabeth in an uncomplicated light, brother. There's been a lot of damage done, and while Elizabeth has caused some, it isn't something she should have to pay for with her life. She needs simple, easy love right now- and neither of us can give her that."

Lucky swallowed hard, but he was nodding, and Nikolas could tell he was holding back tears. "You're right. We can't."

"But we're here." Nikolas told Lucky softly, "and we still love her, you know? That will mean something to her. It will count."

"Will it be enough?" Lucky asked, then looked to the sky as if searching for an answer that was written in the clouds. "It has to be, right? Because it feels so wrong to have things this messed up between the three of us- and of all times, right now." He looked back down, and crossed his arms protectively over his chest, as if closing himself off to any other thoughts than his own. "I need to be there for her, it's what I'm supposed to do."

It did feel wrong for them all to be at such odds- but that was life. Nothing ever went as it was supposed to.

"Lucky, what you're supposed to be doing is taking care of yourself. Those boys need you sober, and together. Especially if this goes south. That is how you can be there for Elizabeth. She has all the faith in the world in you- now is your time to prove her right. So take a minute, little brother, and go to a meeting."

"I'm fine."

"You're not fine. You're high, and you're slipping deeper into that darkness. So you get to a meeting, okay? You do it now. You do it for Elizabeth, you do it for your kids- but mostly, you do it for yourself."

Lucky deflated, his shoulders sagging as he sat down on the bench that Nikolas just vacated. His little brother looked broken, and alone sitting there, his hands clasped together, elbows on his knees, and head down. "I just want to go back, man. Is that really so bad? I just want to go back to the days when we were kids, you know? When we had our entire lives ahead of us."

"We can't go back."

Lucky nodded, "yeah. I know. It would be nice though, don't you think?"

"Em would still be here." Nikolas joined softly. "We'd be getting ready for you and Elizabeth to leave for New York- and we had plans to bring you two back during the college breaks. Did you know that?"

Lucky laughed a little, running a hand through his hair. "Really?"

Nikolas nodded, "yeah- I was going to fly you guys back and forth on the private jet." Em and I would fly both ways, of course- to maximize our time spent together. Emily's idea of course."

"Of course." Lucky responded, "she would think of that."

"You were going to give us a tour guide of New York, and we would spend the night on your floor. After that we'd get a hotel room- we were not in the mood for roughing it, and New York City had some wonderful hotels." Nikolas nodded, then looked at his hands. "It was going to be highly entertaining." It hurt him to think about those conversations, back when he was a fool and didn't see the princess right in front of him. He had wasted so much of their time by being so blind. "We can't go back though. All we can do is move forward."

"I did."

"Lying to me is going to get you nowhere, Lucky. To move forward we have to forgive. We have to forgive each other, and we have to forgive ourselves. If we do not? I believe we will be trapped in this purgatory forever."

Lucky closed his eyes. "I don't…know how to do that."

"Then let me help you." Nikolas said quietly, "let me do that much, Lucky."

Lucky nodded. "Yes. Okay. I need help. I do. I can't do this alone anymore."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Johnny looked more on edge than usual.

Ethan noted this as they played a game of pool at Jake's. Ethan's idea. He needed to keep his mind off the totally fucked up family he walked into, and nothing accomplished that goal better than a few rounds and a couple of games between friends.

It didn't seem to be doing Johnny a lick of good.

Which wasn't surprising considering the amount of legal trouble he was about to be buried in if Elizabeth Webber didn't say what he needed her to say. So when Johnny grimaced, took another swig of his beer and then ordered another one, Ethan didn't argue, or even bat an eyelash. Ethan understood the apprehension and the stiffness of his disposition. "So I start walking down the street- blasting myself for losing the scam, you know? Here was this trophy wife with endless pockets wanting to make _me_ her boy toy- and I blow the whole thing by getting wasted and confessing my love for Rebecca."

"I bet your girl Rebecca was on cloud 9." Johnny commented sarcastically. He rubbed the chalk on his stick then looked at the board. This was his third miss in a row, the last one having been a kiss-out. Johnny never missed three in a row. Ever.

"She was pissed. But the next day she bagged the husband and we got our pay day." Ethan shrugged his left shoulder as he concluded the story, "so what's going on, Mate? Why so tense? And why do you keep looking at your phone?"

"Nothing. Waiting for a call. It's your turn."

Ethan raised his brows, "oookay then."

"It's just something to do with my case. That's all." Johnny just shook his head and took another drink from his beer, "it's never good news. It just gets worse."

"Did Anthony show up or something?"

"I wish." Johnny snorted, "so that I could beat him into a bloody fucking pulp for leaving this mess in my lap. He runs a drug ring, kills a cop's wife, then kidnap's said cop's ex-wife- and just skates out of town, leaving my looking guilty as sin. I'm going to torture that mother fucker."

The stream of consciousness came flowing angrily from Johnny, only to be interrupted by the ringing of his phone. "Hey, I have to take this."

Ethan nodded and watched his partner leave the bar…

It wasn't until fifteen minutes later, when Johnny never returned, that Ethan got nervous. He walked outside, into a dark parking lot, empty sans the cars in the lot accompanied by a few swarthy looking fellows talking by a few parked motorcycles. No Johnny.

_Oh fuck_.

Pain.

Every time she moved, even just a little, fire seared through her side, and shot up through her body. She moaned, tried to move, then stopped again. It hurt too much.

"Hey, hey there. Be still sleeping beauty- okay?"

Matt.

It was Matt. She was in the hospital. Her vision was blurred, and foggy- but that familiar smell gave away her location. How long had she been in the hospital? She could remember her boys- Spencer, Nikolas…that was real right?

Or was that dream?

She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing really came out.

"You've been sick with infection for the last couple of days. We're not sure how you got the infection- but…it was bad. A lot of fever, some hallucinations." Matt was explaining conversationally. She felt his warm fingers on her throat, feeling for a pulse, then the chilled stethoscope against the skin on her chest. "We've had you pretty drugged up- the pain was bad."

Her eyes finally almost came into focus, and she could make out Matt's shape above her a little more clearly. "Still…bad…"

It looked like he was nodding, but she couldn't be sure.

She tried to swallow, and barely managed the chore. He was moving, and she could feel it, see it even, but only barely. The movements weren't big enough.

_Come on, speak. Gather your strength, and say something._

But it was harder than her thoughts predicted it. Speaking took effort, her mouth didn't want to move- the drugs maybe? She wasn't entirely sure, because her thought process wasn't fast enough; everything was like honey dripping off a spoon.

"Grams…"

"She's been here almost the entire time," Matt told her, "she stepped out to check on your boys."

_Good. They love her. They need her._

"Lucky?"

After a pregnant pause Matt spoke lowly, "he's been given limited access to this room. The same went for Nikolas. Your healing process isn't going so well, they were bringing a lot of their own baggage into it- and so I just cut them off. I know you're going to be mad, but I was doing what was best for you."

Elizabeth said nothing, but her mind trotted on at a slow pace, but nonetheless frantic. Matt knew. Matt knew that somewhere deep down Lucky still resented her, that he wouldn't forgive her for what she had done. Even after she had forgiven him, even after she had taken him back time, and time again- he would not do the same for her. They were over.

All that hard work- for nothing.

And who was she kidding? His resentment towards Laura when he found out she was raped, how long it took him to forgive them? They had done nothing to him. They had _just _not extended full disclosure. Lucky, in the end, just wasn't the forgiving type. He carried those things with him forever.

"The police?" She managed to get out.

Matt sighed heavily, "they want to question you, Dante is in the front of that line- by the way. We've been keeping you away from the cops though, and that will continue. Elizabeth- you've almost died several times in the last week. I need you to understand that, I need you to rest, and be a decent patient. Forget about Lucky, forget about the cops, forget about anything but getting better, and staying alive." His fast-paced manner of speaking was a little hard for her drugged mind to keep up with, yet she managed. She nodded ascent, but he was continuing. "We think that someone infected your wound on purpose, so Nikolas has security on the door. Originally there were police, but there's reason to believe they weren't doing the best of jobs. Lucky thinks the Zacharras may have a man on the inside."

"Trying to kill me?"

"Yup."

_He almost succeeded. I could be dead right now. I could have left my boys motherless- and for what? To play detective? To help Lucky? To be the hero for once?_

_What the hell am I doing?_

"We're only letting a small amount of staff members tend to you too. They've launched a full-scale investigation on just who all was involved in this drug ring at the hospital. Elizabeth, we have you to thank for stopping one of the men involved. There has to be a doctor, or a nurse involved though. It wasn't a one-man job."

_That makes sense, someone had to be able to put the diluted versions of pills back, someone with the ability to get into the meds closet on a regular basis, and who has access to drugs in other hospitals. Stupid! Why didn't I think of that sooner? _

Elizabeth felt her eyes finally coming back into focus, and she found herself looking into the concerned, chocolate eyes of Dr. Matt Hunter.

"You…saved my life."

"Well," his lips spread into a smile, then a grin, "yeah, but only, you know, a couple of times. No big deal, except that you need to bake me brownies as a thank you….maybe for the rest of my life."

She felt a laugh cough out, but the pain dimmed it instantly. "Ugh- don't…it hurts."

"Good. Consider it punishment for playing detective without back up and scaring the crap out of everyone in this hospital. Oh wait, you have yet to experience that punishment. No worries, 'Piph and Robin will happily dole it out soon enough." His grin didn't fade, and he sat down on the edge of her bed, with his clipboard resting on his lap, and his right arm resting on that. "It's funny, your grandmother has been here constantly this last week, and the two of us, well we've decided something."

"That I should carry pepper spray?"

He snorted, "we decided a gun, actually."

"Figures. And she says I'm the dramatic one." Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "So did you get published?"

He started to say something, then stopped and finally opened his mouth to speak. "Right. I did get published-"

"I was only asking to bring up the topic, I had already assumed you'd get published. Congratulations, genius! How does it feel to be so incredibly scholarly?"

Matt stood, held his shoulders high, his chin elevated and his arm going across his heart with his hand resting at the edge of his lab-coat. "I feel superior to you foolish, unpublished people."

She laughed, coughed, and glared. Matt had the good sense to look apologetic, as he backed up toward the door. "I'm going to go tell everyone your fine; before I have the chance to accidentally kill you with my superhuman charm."

"Yeah," she said sarcastically, "you do that buddy."

He laughed, "so you want me to get Lucky?"

_You need to forgive yourself, you need to stop trying to make it up to Lucky, and you need to move on. _The words rang so clearly in her mind it was like the thought was given to her. "Um, no. No, that's okay. Just let Steve, Grams and the boys know, okay?"

Matt nodded, and she could have sworn she saw some pride in those eyes. "Try and get some rest, okay?"

"Haven't I been sleeping for like a week?" She joked, trying to add some buoyancy to the mood of the room. "Now be a good doctor and get me out of here, okay? Good." She waved goodbye as he was shaking his head and exiting the room.

"I did the right thing." She assured herself after he left. "I have to move on, I have to find some way…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"It looks like she's going to be okay, Steven." Matt said cheerfully as he approached the nurse's station.

Steven looked up, blinked a few times and then immediately let out a loud, relieved breath before smiling. "I'm going to go see her."

'Let her rest, man." Matt suggested, "she's in for a ton of tests tomorrow just to make sure everything is tip top and then she has to save her remaining energy for her kids. Audrey's having a hell of a time with Cam right now, he's not taking Liz's being here well. So the more he can see her, the better we'll think he'll be."

Steven wet his lips, then tilted his head to the side. "Interesting. You realize you have a girlfriend, right? You know- one who isn't my sister."

Matt rolled his eyes, "it's like you're channeling Patrick. I am _a doctor_, Steven. Did it not possibly occur to you that I'm protecting her physical health as I am sworn to do? Or did you just automatically assume I was being led around by my dick? Well, contrary to what this entire staff thinks, I am not incompetent. I am a damn good doctor. So let _the patient_ rest. Okay?"

Steven stopped, then laughed at himself. "You're right. I'm sorry. It's just Elizabeth hasn't been making the best choices, so I just assumed-"

"That your sister was having an affair with me?" Matt asked, rolling his eyes. "Well rest assured that I am not having sex with your sister, Steven."

The former chief of staff coughed, then rubbed the back of his neck. "So how is she feeling?"

"Like hell. That should be no surprise considering the neglect her body went through, and now the abuse of the infection. Amazingly enough, there doesn't seem to be any brain damage and the fever is completely gone." Matt placed her clip board on the desk of the station, then turned back to Steven.

It was time to go home…and get some well-earned sleep.

This time when Elizabeth woke, the room was dark. She tried to get up to get a peek at a clock, but moving still caused sharp pain to go through her entire body. How long was this supposed to hurt? _Ugh_. She slipped back down into the bed, hating the fact that she couldn't really move and that it hurt to try and use her body as she wanted to. Then suddenly a hand clamped over her mouth and shoved her head upward to look into the face of her attacker.

She was staring into the eyes of Johnny Zacharra.

"Don't," he warned huskily, "don't scream."


	3. Chapter 3

Yeah- GH has sucked so badly that I couldn't write for this story. The spoilers are so bad that I've quit watching cold turkey. Hopefully with no GH, my muse will start churning out chapters. Thanks for your patience

**Chapter 3**

Johnny slowly removed his hand from her mouth as she nodded that she wouldn't scream.

He smelled like a bar.

That did nothing to calm her nerves.

For a second they were both silent, just staring at each other in the darkness. She wasn't sure how should she be reacting to him. She was scared, yes. But he had saved her life at the warehouse- that much she was certain of. It wasn't him trying to kill her. But what the hell was he doing in her room in the middle of the night with his hand over her mouth? That was not comforting _at all_.

"Oh man, Elizabeth. We're in some deep shit."

He walked across the room, then back again.

"Uh…" She didn't know what to say.

The truth was that deep down she was afraid of him. In her head she knew that he had been the one who saved her- but that was then, maybe things had changed. How the hell was she supposed to defend herself? She couldn't even move.

So… "so why are we in deep shit?" She decided on. Maybe if he talked long enough, someone would come in the room to check on her. _Keep him busy_. "You're dad coming to finish the job?"

His tongue flicked over his lips and he turned to her. Damn, he looked strung up so tight that he was about to break. She was no expert on Johnny Zaccharra or his posture, but he wasn't hiding anything- he was freaked out and ully intended on letting her know that. "I wish- Look, I can defend myself from my psycho dad. But the cops? Hell, the feds? Well, that's another story."

"FEDS? Okay." Elizabeth took a deep breath, "I will just tell them you're the one who found me- poof- case dismissed. Everything is going to be fine. So we'll just call you a cab home and we'll talk in the morning, okay?"

"Okay?" He barked out a laugh, "tell me, Elizabeth. Do I look _remotely_ okay to you?"

His hair was mussed- but in the fashionable way models have hairdressers for, and he was wearing rumpled business casual- but nothing an iron couldn't fix. There were dark circles under his eyes, and a strain in his expression. "Well," she bit her lip, "it doesn't look like it's been a good day but, hey, there's always tomorrow, right?"

"Oh yeah." He nodded, "a tomorrow in jail- you and me- for fraud, a drug ring- and even murder. So maybe, just maybe, you can find a better adjective for my day that's a little stronger than 'not good.' Okay?"

Her eyebrows flew up, "what? I didn't kill anyone….and I was trying to bust the damn drug ring- I was _kidnapped_. What the hell is this 'you and me' delusion?"

Johnny tilted his head to the side, almond colored eyes glinting within the darkness. He sat down in the chair by her bed, leaning over so that he was almost crowding her personal space, filling her senses with the smell of whisky on him. "You see, I have a friend in the FEDS, you know? Just a little someone to give me some heads up. Now…he calls me to tell me that your kidnapping is becoming a federal case."

Elizabeth nodded, "because the feds think your father is that dangerous."

"No." Johnny shook his head, "no, no, no. Because someone called the FEDS and tipped them about the drug ring, which has, by the way, spread its ugly little web in some nasty places- for instance a Senator's daughter's bedroom. So now you see why the FEDS are in on this, right?"

"A drug ring that was run by _Anthony_."

Johnny shook his head, "oh no. A drug ring that was led by you and I, Elizabeth."

"Who would believe that bull?" She asked, not sure that she was following Johnny's point very well. Her thoughts were thick and heavy- she was as sober as he was, which made conversation difficult and uneven.

Johnny whistled, then leaned back in the chair, shaking his head in irritation and frustration. His brows were drawn together, his eyes focused and full of fire.

_Volatile? Check. Dangerous? Check. Drunk? Check. I'm totally screwed. I think I'm out of my nine lives by now…._

"Well, lets see, Nurse Webber- lets start with your bank accounts- which they've already looked in unofficially to see if they should get a warrant to make it official."

"Is that even legal?"

"Do they care?" Johnny shot back hotly. "Anyway, they found fun things like deposits of large quantities of money through off-shore, anonymous bank accounts. One was very recent too." _Jake_. Elizabeth felt her throat tighten. Jason had given her a generous sum of money to pay for his funeral and then some, he had even asked for her to put some into a college fund for Cameron. "There were a few before that, of course. All very strange and questionable, you know?"

"I have explanations for those." She responded evenly, or as evenly as possible.

He laughed, "and that would be…Jason? So, uh….where has he been? Hm? Any clue?"

She didn't have any idea, _Which wouldn't be a problem if you hadn't plowed right into his car- great job there. _"A few strange bank transactions is not going to implicate me for a drug ring."

"Oh?" Johnny asked, "well why don't you ask your boy Lucky what he told the police commissioner? Here, let me save you the time. He told them that someone forcibly injected him with drugs- a lot of drugs. The kind you don't come back from- so obviously this lead to some questions with the FEDS when it got back to them. And you know what? Funny thing- the same drugs it would take to help save someone in Lucky's alleged situation were flagged as missing. Hm. Now this was determined to be a clerical error…but I doubt the FBI is really going to accept that answer. Especially since more drugs showed up than were taken- as though some idiot was trying to cover up a crime and fucked up."

_Shit._

Elizabeth took a deep breath but said nothing.

"Now another funny little thing- that money showing up in your account? Well it coincides quite nicely with 'an accident' in the OR that almost cost Siobhan Spencer her life. Oh wait, you knew that thought, right? Because you're the idiot that tried to kill her in the ER."

"It was…it was a mistake," she said quietly, then looked into his eyes and repeated it more fiercely. "Just a mistake, I wasn't trying to kill her."

"Could have fooled me since you then knocked her down the steps and wrecked with her in the car. Actually, you're possibly going to go down in history as the worst hit-woman ever." He nodded and then stood, putting a hand on his hip. "Of course you finally did finish the job…"

"But I didn't do it!" she exclaimed, trying to force herself to sit up straightly. She crumbled under the pain, and relented, looking away from him. "I didn't kill Siobhan. I wouldn't do that- why would I do that? So Lucky can feel guilty forever? So that could always be between us?"

"Newsflash: there are going to be bars between you and Lucky if you don't listen up, sweetheart." Johnny responded quickly and angrily, "whether you did it or not isn't the point. You look guilty as sin- especially with the kidnapping. They think that you went chicken and were going to rat me out, that's why I kidnapped you."

"Bu-"

"But I brought you to the hospital? Well that they aren't sure about- they are continuing the investigation."

"I see." Elizabeth closed her eyes and tried to think. She was innocent, that had to be easy to prove, right? "And you've found no way out."

"I never said that." He responded, meeting her gaze, "I have the perfect way out, I just don't think you'll do it."

"Oh? And how do you propose I explain all that money away, while simultaneously stealing drugs from my place of work and almost killing my ex's wife on two separate occasions? All the while proving that you don't want to off me for betraying you?"

"Easy." Johnny finally sat back down in the chair and then folded his hands, while his elbows rested on his knees and he leaned toward her. "You agree to be my fiancée."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hey, what are you still doing up? What are you still doing here?"

Matt looked up from the research he was pouring over at the sound of the British accent.

The sandy haired, dark eyed teenager, donning a trendy shag haircut, a not-so-trendy Dead Kennedy's shirt and black boxers, was walking down the steps looking sleepy and curious. "Did you move in?"

Matt shrugged, "might as well- your guardian is never here. She's too busy spending your money."

"There's enough of it to go around." He shrugged and sat down next to him and motioned to the pile of papers in front of Matt, "care to share it, or are still being Mr. Secretive?"

Matt tilted his head to the side, then bit his lip. "Sure, you can see it." He decided.

Lionel Roman Winchester III, or as Matt knew him, "Trey", picked the stack of papers in his hand and started to peruse the first document casually at first, then he worried his lower lip and started again, moving his eyes slowly across the page.

Trey was the richest guy that Matt had ever met- and the kid was only seventeen. They had met a year prior when Trey's previous guardian had wrapped the car around the tree while driving drunk. Since then Trey's parents had hired a new "nanny" as Trey called them. His folks were back in London, their hands full with his younger brother who had acute autism- when he asked to live in the states so that he could go to a private school that housed his favorite author as a teacher, they allowed it. _"They let me do whatever I want. They always have." _Trey had explained simply.

Why the kid had confided in him, Matt didn't know- but that night as they waited for Patrick to complete another flawless surgery, he had. Matt had listened for the most part as he talked about his life- he wasn't complaining, just talking to keep his mind off the current trauma.

Since that day Matt had been keeping an eye out for Trey. Not invasively or anything, until recently anyway. He would just pop in from time to call, give the kid a call, make sure that he was eating and give him an ear to bend. The teenage Brit seemed to like that and it didn't hurt that he had a very real interest in the medical field. "Hey, wow. This is brilliant."

"Well… I don't know about brilliant."

"No, no it is." Trey asserted, "I know it's brilliant because I only understand 75% of it." He followed that with a chuckle, then turned to the next page. "That friend you told me about? She's right about this, Matt. You should be really proud."

"You think?"

"Yeah. How is she doing, by the way?" Trey asked.

Matt smiled, "she's awake and talking. We're still concerned about the gunshot wound not healing properly but…it seems no brain damage. Which is really, really good. We were all kind of worried."

Trey nodded, "so you never answered my first question properly, why are you here, mate? Aren't you supposed to be trying to catch your girl's eye, eh?"

Matt looked down at his hands, "she's chasing Sam with Spinelli."

Trey stood up and shook his head. He walked across the main room of his Penthouse, which held a gray leather corner sofa which wrapped around a long glass covered aquarium that served as a coffee table. The walls (what was left of them after so many huge windows overlooking the city of Port Charles) were a crisp clean white, and the floor was a lush black carpet. To the left of the entrance was a book shelf, to the right another fish tank- each of those tanks holding large, colorful tropical fish. The room was large and open, leading directly to a dining room table and then into a kitchen that he never used. It was more of an apartment than a hotel room- but Matt guessed that when your parents bought you an entire hotel to run that wasn't surprising.

Trey ended up looking out the window towards the docks. Matt had gazed out that window many a time, just watching the water. It was so large and endless- it made him think of being alone, and for some reason being okay with being alone. "I think it's time give her the P45, Matt."

"Um, what?"

"You know, give her the big E- never mind, lost in translation. Break up with her."

Matt finally stood, "But…I like Maxie a lot. Sure she's flighty and self-absorbed- but she's also very funny, not to mention smoking hot."

"You're wasting your time. She's obviously emotionally unavailable and let's be honest with ourselves here, you're not the most patient person in the world, you know?"

Matt crossed the room to look directly towards the Metro-Court, the competing hotel of Port Charles. "Maybe I can be. People don't really give her enough credit-"

"Please spare me the diatribe on her tragic life, mate. I've heard it before. It just so happens I don't sodding care about her problems."

Matt looked sideways to glare at the kid, "isn't this the pot calling the kettle black, hm? Isn't the only reason you came back to Port Charles for the school year so you could stalk the very troubled Kristina Davis? Your favorite teacher retired sooo…."

"Oh shut up, Mate. You're lucky I don't get proper mad and clock you one. Now I'm going to bed, I suggest you do the same."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Are you on drugs?"

Johnny knew she wasn't going to go for it- hell, part of him thought it was crazy too. However, he had thought about it and thought about it until it started making sense. "No. I'm not."

"No one would believe it." She finally told him, "and even if they did, it would put my kids in danger."

"Your kids are already in danger," Johnny reasoned darkly, "my father's pissed- he'll kill every single person you love, even your kids. He's got no problem offing children- he tried to off his own son." He waited for the look of horror that he usually received from the little fact. Elizabeth did not disappoint. Her lips parted slightly, she blinked a few times and shook her head as if denying it would make it less true. "Obviously you can't get good help to protect your kids either, look how easily I got in here? Just some cash and a threat, Elizabeth. That's all."

"I'm the one he wants dead though." She breathed out, "me, not them."

"Yes- but you didn't get dead, did you? So now you'll have to pay." He unclasped his hands and spread them as he leaned back in the chair. "I bet you're really sorry you helped Lucky now, huh?"

"Lucky." She repeated, as if realizing something. "He's in danger too, isn't he?"

Johnny nodded, "oh yeah. Your grandmother as well."

"They need to go." She breathed out, "all of them, they need to all go away. They have to." He could see panic rising inside her. She was fidgeting with the IV on her hand, trying to pull it out as she started getting out of bed. "I have to warn them, I have to tell Nikolas that he needs to get them out of here. He'll do it, he'll help them-"

"Hey- hey- hey," Johnny got to his feet and grabbed her tiny shoulders in his hands, trying to keep her in the bed. "Hey, I don't think you're supposed to be moving around like this."

"What if he's already come after them?" She asked, trying to push his hands away, "get off me. My kids could be dead right now- or soon. I have to go help them. I have to save them."

"Stop it, Elizabeth."

"No. No. I can't let them down like I did Jake, don't you see? I have to fix this, I have to make it right-"

"Listen to me," he said in a fierce whisper, shaking her slightly. "Look at me."

She went still, and he was met with eyes that held absolute fear and a complexion of ghostly white. "I have people watching your kids…and your grandmother, okay? They are fine." He moved his hands down her arms a little, then repeated, "they are safe for now, Elizabeth. So calm down and _think_."

She nodded, taking in a deep breath and looking at him with a fragility that made him feel like _he_ was about to break right along with her. "You want to protect them?" She nodded again, "then listen to me- okay? We need to buy time. I can't protect anyone from jail and neither can you. We need to stay out of jail long enough to flush my dad out. Okay?"

"How? No one will believe we're engaged, Johnny." She let out in a whisper, "no one."

"We make them believe."

"And what does that even solve? Sure, we could act like you gave me the money- big deal. What about the drugs I stole? How do we explain that away?" She was shaking her head, "it's crazy and it won't work."

He felt she was calm enough for him to let go of her arms. So he dropped his own to his sides and took a deep breath. "The drugs can be part of the drug ring that we aren't a part of, okay?" He was nodding, trying to coax her into seeing the plan the way he did, "we've been seeing each other on and off for a while- years. We break up but we always find a way back to each other. We kept it a secret to keep your kids safe- but we can't deny our love any longer."

She wet her lips, "so…I was sleeping with Nikolas, Lucky and you?" She raised her eyebrows, "Jesus."

"No." He laughed, "we were split- but I was trying to get you back, okay? You thought my life was too dangerous- you were trying to get away from me. I wouldn't let you."

"Lucky won't buy it." She responded slowly, "he'll tell Mac it's a lie."

"We will _make _Lucky buy it." Johnny reasoned, "we'll make it believable." She didn't look convinced, he didn't feel convinced. _No._ He told himself, _we will make it work. We have to._

"To do that I'd have to know…everything about you. You would have to know all about me too. We'd have to have a completely fabricated history together- how the hell do we accomplish that?"

"Looks like we have a long night ahead of us."

Elizabeth worried her lower lip, "after we flush your dad out, what then?"

Johnny felt a vicious, angry smile touch his lips. "Then we kill him- and have a very messy break up. The kind you don't come back from." He felt satisfaction at the thought of killing his father- maybe a little too much. "Then we're free. We can go back to our very separate lives."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Uncle Nikolas, I can't sleep. Where's daddy?"

Nikolas looked up from his paper work that he was going over for the hospital into Cameron's big brown eyes. "I know he said he'd be here, but he's taking care of something for your mommy."

Cameron stared at him for a moment then accepted the lie. He shuffled over in his blue slippers to the desk and climbed into the big chair across from him. He looked very sober and unhappy. "Mommy's very sad without Jake. She tries to be happy- but sometimes I find her crying." Nikolas swallowed past the lump forming in his throat. No kid should have to go through this, none at all. "Daddy's sad too, especially now that Siobhan is gone."

Nikolas wet his lips, "well yes, they have been very sad. They love Jake very much and your dad was very fond of Siobhan."

"She didn't like mommy though. I heard her call mommy a mean name on the telephone to her sister. She was yelling about mommy being evil. She called her a bad name."

"Well," Nikolas weighed his words carefully, "sometimes adults say things they shouldn't and that isn't very nice of them."

"Oh." Cameron seemed to accept this answer, "do you do that?"

Nikolas nodded, "ohhhh yes." His admission was sheepish and the memories of all the things he wished he could take back were like a stab in his own heart. "I wish I hadn't said a lot of things. I wish I hadn't done a lot of things."

Cam put his hand on Nikolas'. "Do you need a hug?"

He couldn't help it, he laughed a little and smiled. "Yeah, I could really use a hug, actually."

Cameron reached up and snaked his little arms around his neck and Nikolas lifted elizabeth's eldest son into a tight, warm hug. "Thanks for being my Uncle."

"Thanks for being my nephew." Nikolas replied.

"I like Olivia," Elizabeth said, "I can see why you loved her so much."

Johnny shrugged, "you win some, you lose some. I lost that one." He felt strange telling Elizabeth his life story, even stranger talking about Olivia, who was now living it up with Liz's brother. Life was really, really bizarre.

Worse yet, he was sobering up.

Yet even in the light of a sober mind, Johnny knew that this plan was their only hope. So he continued. He had told her about childhood with Anthony and the death of his mother, about his chaotic and rebellious teenage years and his practically suicidal young adulthood. He told her about Lulu, about his love for Claudia and his affair with Maxie, then finally he told her about Olivia. Outside of his family, losing Olivia was what hurt the most. "Yeah. It'll be hard to sell to her that you and I dated, I can see that. But we gotta do what we gotta do, Liz." He stopped as a shadow fell over her face, "what? Did I say something wrong?"

She shook her head, "no. Uh. Not at all. It's just that not many people refer to me as Liz much…anymore."

"Ah." He shrugged, "I can call you Elizabeth, or Beth, or Lizzie-"

"Ugh. Not Lizzie." She rolled her eyes, "my brother calls me that. Lizzie-bee." He made a face at her and she nodded in agreement, "oh yeah- I hate it just as much as you're imagining. When I was little he would call me that just to make me mad. He thought it was _so_ funny. He and Sarah both. God, they were the tag-team from hell." She laughed, but he found little humor in the sound. "They had so much in common, they got along so well. I can't tell you how many times I would listen from my room as they talked and talked and talked." Her expression became a little distant and she was staring past him. "They were both so perfect and my parents were so proud of them."

"I'm sure they were proud of you too."

"Are you kidding?" She laughed, "I was the child from hell. I made _nothing_ easy. I made my mind up pretty young that I wasn't like them- being brunette alone set me apart physically, I guess that really was the first thing." She told him thoughtfully, "looking so different set me apart, and it didn't help that everyone mentioned it. Then…other things were different. I just never understood their love for school. It was boring- they never talked about cool things and it all seemed so useless in the real world."

"So what did you like?" Johnny asked, letting out a yawn. He had been sleepy for a while, but there was no time for that. Work needed to be done.

"Being bad." She replied easily, "stealing liquor from my folks, smoking in the bathroom, doodling during class, skipping school, talking back- taking risks." She still wasn't looking at him and he could tell that she was lost in some childhood memory. "I loved taking risks. I hitchhiked from my boarding school back home once- I showed up on the back of this motorcycle. My parents freaked."

"I bet." He replied with a smirk.

She swallowed, furrowing her brow. "I used to love to ice-skate too- even when I shouldn't, when the lake was barely frozen over. IT didn't matter because I was invincible. Now…I'm full of fear- all the time. I can't remember when the last time I felt unafraid was."

"In your defense- back then you weren't in the cross hairs of a psychopath."

She folded her arms around herself and pulled her knees up. "Yeah."

"You were lonely, weren't you?" He asked, and was quiet until her eyes reached his. "I know something about that."

Her face stayed level but her eyes darted downward, "your childhood wasn't comparable to mine, Johnny. Your father- well," she sucked in a breath, "you suffered more than I could have imagined at that age. I…brought my own misery. I could have been a better kid, tried more or harder or something." She reached his eyes again, and he was struck by the shadows in them. He had never noted it before when seeing her, not that he had paid much attention to the nurse, but now he could see shattered dreams in her eyes. He knew something about that too. "I'm so sorry about all you went through."

"It was a long time ago."

"I'm sure it doesn't always feel that way." She replied.

Elizabeth was right. Sometimes it felt like it had just happened and shaking off the grief wasn't so easy, even after all the time that had passed. "You're not wrong."

"She's in a good place, I think." Elizabeth told him thoughtfully, "when I was comatose I…saw Emily- and Jake. I don't remember a lot of it, but I do remember that she told me she was happy." He could see the tears start to well up in her eyes, "you probably think I'm nuts. I probably am."

He shook his head, "no, I don't think that."

"It's like I've been in this tunnel for the last few years- and I can't get out because everywhere new is too frightening. So I cling to what I know and what I'm used to- but it only leads me into a darker, more frightening place each time." She closed her eyes, and he could see the strain lines appear around her eyes and mouth. "Maybe I just conjured Em so that she could help me find the way out."

"Did it work?"

"I…don't know. I know I'm still scared. Terrified. I don't even want to see Lucky, because if I do how will I let him go? I guess this doesn't make sense. You see, I told you as a child that I felt like an outsider. That only magnified when my parents joined doctors without borders. They just up and left me- it was different than the boarding schools; because now I couldn't run away- where would I go to?" She looked mildly uncomfortable under his gaze and considering that he just stripped down for her, he understood the feeling. "They left with a family friend- but I didn't fit there. I felt like this…thing that got pawned off by people who didn't want me to people who also didn't want me." She brushed her tangled brown hair behind her shoulder and the clasped her hands together, her nails digging into her own skin. "They had already put me in boarding school a few times, something they never did with Sarah. Then she got to live with Grams- which was at least family. I guess they didn't think Grams could handle me." She laughed at that, "hell, they couldn't handle me. How was Grams' supposed to?"

"It's not like you were a thug, Liz. You were a rebellious suburbanite."

"I was more than that. I was resentful and angry. I felt unlovable. Unloved. I was just this problem that people couldn't deal with. Then I took it upon myself to run away to be with Sarah- because I couldn't handle her getting the better end of the deal. I convinced my Grams and parents to let me stay…and I met Lucky Spencer."

"How old were you?"

"14." She smiled, "14 was not too young to fall in love, I tell you that. I was instantly smitten. Lucky was cool, he was smart and he was cute."

"Sounds like a dreamboat." Johnny put in dryly.

"Oh, he was _it_. But he was also, unsurprisingly, head over heels for my sister. Of course he was, everyone loved her. Why wouldn't they?" The question didn't have the kind of edge that eh thought it would. "She was sweet, she was beautiful, she was a dutiful daughter, a beloved granddaughter, a loyal friend- well, you get the picture. If I wasn't so jealous? I would have loved her too. But I was jealous. She got the looks, the charm and the brains- all I got was a bad attitude."

He hardly thought Liz was being fair at this point, "uh- Liz? You're not exactly an ugly duckling, here. You're gorgeous. You might as well be a model."

She snapped her head up in surprise and he couldn't quite read her expression, "I'm alright, I guess- but you haven't seen Sarah. Anyway, both Nikolas and Lucky had a thing for Sarah. Now, I tried to make Lucky look my way, I really did. I did some pret-ty awful things to get what I wanted too."

"And it worked- you got him."

She snorted, "hardly. What I got was a big fat rejection. Nikolas dumped Sarah and then she asked Lucky to the Valentines Day Dance. I skipped it- got raped instead."

He didn't hear that right, he _couldn't_ have heard that right. "What?"

"Raped." She repeated succinctly, "I went to the movies, then the park. A guy pulled me into the bushes and raped me. Lucky found me afterward." She locked right into his gaze, "he saved my life a thousand times. He was the first person to show me patience, to make me feel safe, to make me feel loved. Really loved."

"I…" Johnny shook his head, "you were 14?"

She nodded, "yeah- but I was never a teenager again after that. I went from 14 to adult in one night. My fearlessness was gone. I don't think I ever got it back."

"Cam was looking for you earlier." Nikolas told his brother as he walked inside. Lucky's eyes were red, his face pale and drawn. He didn't know whether his brother was sober or not and he didn't dare ask. "I told him you were out trying to help Elizabeth."

"I was," Lucky answered softly, "I was trying to see if Anthony was going to try again. I had my ear to the ground."

Nikolas didn't respond, he just watched as the shell of his brother walked through the parlor of Wyndemere, Alfred taking his jacket and hanging it up for him. The butler politely dismissed himself, as he usually did when Lucky was at the mansion. He understood that the more alone time they had, the more likely their bond would become somewhat normal again.

How had Lucky forgiven him? It boggled his mind. Would he have forgiven Lucky if the situations were reversed? "Was Cam alright?"

Nikolas nodded, "he's okay- all things considered. He's scared for his mom." Nikolas descended the last of the steps and stood in front of his brother. "Is Anthony in town?"

"No one would talk." He frowned, "whether he is or isn't, Liz is not safe. He has a lot of connections, a lot of _really bad_ connections."

Unsure of what to say, Nikolas walked past his brother to look out the window and into the ocean that surrounded his island. "Maybe," he started slowly and uncertainly, "I should be the one worrying about Elizabeth's safety until you are well again, Lucky. I think you should be worrying about you."

"I don't know how to do that, Nikolas."

"Maybe now is the time to learn," he advised his brother gravely, then turned around. "You need to get better for Cam and Aiden. This is what you should be focusing on- not the leader of a drug ring. To be honest, there isn't much you can do for her at this point, is there?" Lucky said nothing, which was as much of an admission as Nikolas was going to get. To drive the point home, however, Nikolas took it a step further, "she's not your wife, she's not your girlfriend and you just wrecked her entire life so that you could wreck yours, Lucky. She thinks she needs you right now- but the truth is that you're as poisonous to her, as she is to you. So leave it alone, let me take care of Elizabeth- and get yourself sober."

Lucky squared his shoulders defiantly, but it lasted only a moment before they sagged down again and he sluggishly walked past him and up the steps. "goodnight, Nikolas."

"Goodnight."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I think I should have taken notes, your lifer is fucking complicated." Johnny muttered after Elizabeth had finally finished her story, "But I do know the role that I am going to have to play."

"Oh?" Elizabeth asked, feeling drained from the autobiography. After the part about the rape- she kept the emotional commentary to a minimum. Really? Why had she even told him as much as she had? It was so many years ago, and she was over it- beyond over it. It had felt like such a release telling him though. "What role is that?"

"Well, I have to really hate Lucky Spencer." He replied easily, "and I have to be the jealous type, Liz. My dad will believe that- it's in my genes, after all." She didn't like where this was headed, but before she could open her mouth to contradict him, he was going on. "Lets look at this logically, okay? You and I have broken up five times- we get back together because we realize life is short and we love each other. That doesn't change the fact that you left me for Lucky, right?"

Elizabeth nodded, "Right."

"So I hate him, I'm jealous and overprotective. It might even help with him getting to take the kids out of town."

Cam and Aiden. She felt a catch in her breath as she thought of her two sons. To be without them? To not soothe their nightmares? To not make sure they were fed? How was she to do this? _I have to. They need to live in order to have nightmares to soothe. I can't let them down, like I let down Jake. _"Alright. Okay. That makes sense."

"Look, Liz. It's only for a little while." He entreated quietly, "and once this over-"

"Once this is over I will lose custody of Aiden." She said softly, "Lucky will think I was willing to put my kids on the line to be with you- it won't be so far a stretch either, now would it?" She looked away, "He understood in the end about Jason though, after everything, he knew that I really was dumb enough to think Jason could protect me and the kids."

"Liz-"

"No, I know." She stopped him before he could tell her, for the thousandth time that night, that if she didn't do this those kids were as good as dead. "_Maybe_ I'll get Cam back, Lucky never adopted him and his last name is mine. Lucky has no real claim. But Aiden will be gone."

_I am trusting the son of a psychopath, a man who isn't emotionally balanced either and a stone-cold killer. But what choice do I have?_

_Would you give up everything? _Her inner voices were screaming at her. _Would you? To know that your babies were safe? Would you give up everything? _

"Lucky can't protect them." It was hard to hear her own voice over the chatter in her brain, hard to pay attention to what she and Johnny were saying. "I have to."

"Yes." He agreed.

_Would you give up everything?_

Elizabeth looked into Johnny's eyes and nodded. "Yes. Okay. I'm in. 100%. I'll do it."

XXXX

Preview:

Liz and Johnny go to great lengths to prove their "love"

A surprising ally comes to Liz's rescue.

Matt grapples with the idea of Liz in a relationship with a thug.


	4. Chapter 4

A little ramble: Ladies and gents, thank you so much for your replies! I know last chapter I didn't put that in- but that's because I submitted the wrong copy and it didn't have my full intro on it. So sorry! I love you guys, and I felt like a first class jerk! I really appreciate the feedback! You're all way awesome! Thank you soooo much!

Not watching GH has been a freeing experience. I can finally start to write the characters as I think they should be written, instead of destroying them for each other and for plot points. This chapter coming out so much more quickly than the others is due to replies and not watching GH. I don't even read the spoilers.

I know cancellation of the show is impending, and even though I've been hating it, I still don't wish it gone. I can't. I grew up with GH. It saw me through the good times and the bad. I know it sounds silly, but when the show is gone, I'll think of it as an old friend being gone. It's so incredibly sad. I can't help but think that it could improve, that it could be something awesome again.

Okay, enough of my rambling. Onto the freaking story! Be prepared, folks, this is a long one!

Let me know what you think!

**Chapter 4**

Elizabeth woke to flowers in the mid afternoon. Her room was full of floral scent and when her eyes fluttered open she saw two dozen long-stem roses and a little velvet jewelry box beside her bed. It was the first thing that caught her eye.

The second was that Audrey was also there, looking tired and unkept- which was odd for the usually meticulously attired and put together woman that Elizabeth had always known her to be. "Grams," she murmured, pulling herself up, "good morning."

"It's afternoon dear."

Afternoon? Well, she had gone to sleep in the morning- after that very long, very shocking and very frightening conversation with Johnny. "Oh, jeez. Sorry, it was a long night." Audrey just nodded and put her hand over her granddaughters. They sat quietly together for a moment while the fogginess of sleep wore off. "How are you?"

"Troubled." Audrey answered, "but let's not bother with that now. I'll go fetch a doctor for you now that you're awake. They are eager to stick needles in you."

Elizabeth laughed shakily, "great. Just what I always wanted." She rolled her head to the side and locked eyes with her grandmother. "Can I see my boys?"

Audrey shifted uncomfortably in her chair, then forced a smile. "We'll see if they are up to it."

"What do you mean? Are they sick?" She asked , a rise of panic swelling inside her immediately. "Are they, Grams?"

She shook her head, "no, no. They are fine, dear. Fine." She sighed and stood. Elizabeth found herself looking up at her grandmother and suddenly very aware of what Audrey was going to tell her. _Johnny works fast, I'll give him that. _"I'm not entirely sure that Lucky will want to bring them over, Elizabeth. You see, Johnny Zacchara put an announcement in the paper that the two of you are engaged."

Elizabeth glanced sideways at the roses, "yes."

"Oh." Audrey looked as though Elizabeth just punched the air out of her. Her rumpled yellow sweater looked warm and comfortable, her gray slacks and white shirt so usual to Audrey and the way that she dressed that it brought Elizabeth to the point of crumbling. How she would love to bury her face in that shirt and cry. How she would love to tell Audrey everything. It was a sentiment that she had felt so many times before, yet so rarely went through with. _How many times have I kept things from you for your own good, Grams? _She asked silently, _I really am the worst of your grandchildren. Sarah never would have been this much trouble._ "I am not quite sure I understand."

"I'm sure you won't be the only one who doesn't." Elizabeth wearied. "I imagine it will be a long day of explanations."

"Darling," Audrey began, stepping away from the bed and towards the door, then she turned her back to it and regarded Liz with a concerned expression. "I know your life, I know it better than anyone besides yourself, just as you know mine better than anyone. You have given me three beautiful grandsons and many fond memories."

"Grams, I-" Elizabeth strained to get the words out as a tear slipped down her cheek, "I'm in a really tough position right now."

"Yes, darling, I know. Lucky told me that you helped him with the drug ring, and that is how you ended up kidnapped, is it not?"

Elizabeth nodded, "yes."

"And it wasn't Johnny who did it, was it?"

"No, Grams."

She nodded. "I want to help you- with whatever this will accomplish, I want to stand by you. I almost lost you, Elizabeth dear. I did. This entire time," she swallowed hard and stepped forward, then took her granddaughter's hands in her own, "I've been sitting by your bed and thinking about all the times that I have let you down-"

"Grams, no." She denied, "you always help me with the boys, I wouldn't have made it through nursing school without you, heck, I wouldn't be able to make it through anything without your support-"

"Then let me give it to you." She met her eyes squarely, "tell me how I can help you."

Elizabeth took a deep breath, could she do it? Could she trust her grandmother with this whopping lie? _She could legitimize your relationship, Elizabeth. _Worrying her lower lip, Elizabeth considered the possibility. Could her grandmother do that for her? Keep her secret? "You won't want to."

"Why?"

"Because it…will take a lot of lying." Elizabeth admitted softly.

Audrey squeezed Elizabeth's hands, "my dear, I used to be a very, very good liar. I know that I was hard on you about your affairs with Jason and Nikolas- but I have this feeling things are different now. I think that this, whatever this is, is the right thing to do. Oh dear, I know you've never dated Johnny, as I said, I know your life very well. So there must be a reason, right? A reason you are lying?"

"I'm not…I never dated Johnny." She confessed abruptly, unable to hold it back any longer. "This whole engagement is a farce. I'm in trouble with the feds, they think I'm a drug-stealing, wife-killing sociopath." The words just started coming out faster and faster as Elizabeth found relief with every syllable. "Anthony wants me dead and may kill my whole family in the process. The only thing I've got going for me is Johnny, who is I'm not quite sure is stable, to protect me. Grams- I'm screwed and this is the only way I can think of to fix this." It all came out in one panicked breath and with each word Audrey's eyes got wider. However, there conversation was halted as voices became louder from the outside.

"I have a right to see her, you can't just keep me out."

"Oh God, that's Lucky." She started to get out of bed but Audrey stopped her with her hand.

"No, no wait."

"Grams, he has to believe this though. He has to know that I am with Johnny or he'll tell the police everything. He'll think he can prove my innocence grams, and he can't. He won't be able to. It will be dead Ted all over again- I know how he is."

"Dead Ted?"

"Grams!"

"Hush now," Audrey coaxed, walking to the door.

"My boss has strict rules about you, Spencer. You ain't going in there." The booming voice shot back, "His fiancee is in recovery and you don't do anything but upset her-"

Elizabeth swung her feet to the floor and started to get out of bed, but Audrey was a step ahead of her and already at the door. She opened it, then crossed her arms over her chest.

"So Zacchara is what? Holding her hostage?" Her ex returned angrily, "I was to see the mother of my children _now_."

"Or?"

"Gentlemen." Audrey commanded crossly, "my very ill granddaughter is in this room, and her health cannot afford any kind of _disturbance_. So if you'll please stop this racket, I would be much obliged."

Elizabeth couldn't see past her grandmother to know what Lucky's expression was, or what her guard looked like and it frustrated her. Still, she wasn't quite sure she was ready to see Lucky yet. Emily, imagined or real, had made a very valid point that Elizabeth could no longer ignore. Elizabeth _had_ to move on. But how could she with him always there?

"I am sure you have many questions," Audrey said in her quiet but authoritative way, "my granddaughter has a great deal of explaining to. She promised me that this…affair," the word came out with disgust, "was over and that she would not be seeing that…thug anymore."

"Wait," there was a long pause after Lucky's word, then he continued. "You're saying that…she did date Johnny?"

XOXOXO

"I didn't even realize she ever dated him though." Matt leaned over the nurse's counter and met Robin's gaze. The doctor and Liz's friend looked shocked herself, "I mean- you didn't know, right?"

She shook her head, then glanced at Epiphany, "no idea. 'Piph?"

"I'm as surprised as you two- I think I'm more surprised that she was able to keep one of her dramas out of the hospital for a change. I think we could all learn a lesson from that." She gave them both a pointed look, then shuffled the papers back into the folder, and tapped the bottom of it against the counter. "I'm going to go make my rounds now."

"The article said they've dated on and off secretly, Johnny was quoted to say that he wanted to keep their lives private."

"AKA safe." Patrick entered the nurse's station and wrapped an arm around his wife. "I believe it."

"You just believe it?" Matt asked Patrick in surprise, "you believe that Liz kept this a secret from all of us?"

"Sure," he nodded, straightened out his lab coat then returned his arm to its proper place around Robin's waist. "She had a secret affair with Jason Morgan, right? She kept it quiet to keep them all safe. She's already in danger- so why keep it under wraps with Johnny? It makes sense to me."

Robin didn't look as certain as her husband and Matt too found himself unconvinced. "Johnny doesn't really seem like Elizabeth's type though."

"Because he's insane?" Patrick shrugged, "I think we all know that sanity is not a prerequisite for Elizabeth to be attracted to them. I may not have been around at the time, but I've heard some pretty frightening stories about her ex-husband Ric Lansing."

"Well, we shouldn't talk about things we don't know anything about." Robin decided thoughtfully, "let's just, you know, be there for her like she would be there for us." When no one responded, she looked pointedly at Matt, "well?"

He furrowed his brow, "well, we're her friends. So of course. Yeah, sure. We'll be there for her."

"If by be there for her, you mean knock some sense into her?" Patrick asked, "then I'm your man, Robin. But I'm sorry- marrying a Zacchara is probably the worst decision Elizabeth has ever made, and I'm going to let her know it."

Robin just shook her head, "well, be delicate about it. You don't have to approve, but you don't have to be your usual charming self when it comes to things you don't agree with."

He shot her a dare-devil smile, "I am quite charming. Glad you've noticed. For a little while I thought you were starting to forget." He twisted around to lean forward and give her a brief kiss on the lips. "Mmm, break time." He grabbed her hand and started skirting her off to parts that Matt always hoped would remain unknown to him.

He turned around, then looked back at the article.

There was no way that it was true, no way that she was engaged to Johnny- not when he watched her pour her heart out over Lucky and definitely not after everything that happened with Jason. She had told him how much Jason had meant to her- and she had walked away for the sake of her children.

Why would Johnny even go to the newspapers with this? She was just going to dispute it and nip the rumor in the bud. What the hell was his game?

Loud voices grabbed his attention and before he even thought about it, he was following where the sounds were coming from. He stopped before Elizabeth's room- there was Lucky, arguing with a rather large, frightening man in a designer suit, with a tattoo crawling up his neck and a sour expression. It was a strange combination in a man.

Behind him was Audrey, very calmly looking at Lucky with her arms across her chest.

"I am sure you have many questions," Audrey stated coldly, "my granddaughter has a great deal of explaining to. She promised me that this…affair was over and that she would not be seeing that…thug anymore." From the sound in her voice, she didn't approve of the situation at all. Matt couldn't blame her. Johnny was a thug and strip club owner, hardly the kind of guy you brought home to visit grandma.

"Wait," Lucky stopped and shook his head, completely confused. "You're telling me that it's true. She's been seeing Johnny Zacchara? You knew?"

"I stumbled upon them on accident. It was quite a surprise. I see how you would be shocked." She turned her head, as if gesturing toward Elizabeth in the room, "but as you know, Elizabeth doesn't always make the best decisions when it comes to her heart. She did, after all, take you back."

"You can't be comparing me to a mobster-"

"I am." Audrey returned succinctly, "I wish she'd wash her hands of the whole lot of you, find herself a decent young man. Sadly, this has not been the case and despite all my pleas, Elizabeth's heart is set on John. We all know how well she listens to me when it comes to her romantic endeavors."

"Audrey-"

"Enough." She put up a hand, "you do not get an opinion on the matter as you've made it quite clear that your romantic interest in my granddaughter has long since been over."

"This puts my children in danger-"

"You almost got Elizabeth killed, you almost got the both of you killed- I really don't want to hear you wax on about danger, Lucky Spencer." It was like she was admonishing her own child, the way she spoke to him. "The matter of the children will be discussed, but not until Elizabeth recovers."

For a moment, Matt thought Lucky was going to argue. Instead he said, rather dejectedly, "how is she?"

Audrey raised her chin, "she will make a full recovery. How are _you_? Will you make a full recovery?"

Lucky didn't answer her question and instead said, "this isn't over."

"Of course it isn't." Audrey raised a quizzical brow, "but you and Elizabeth _are_."

XXXXXXXX

Nikolas took a few calming breaths and counted to ten.

He was not going to waltz into Elizabeth's hospital room and demand answers. He was not going to shake her until she told him it was a lie. He was not going to throttle her for putting her children in danger.

He wasn't

Even though every single particle of his being had the inclination to do all of those things, then lock her up in Shadybrooke until she came to her senses. However, that wasn't reasonable and he had promised himself to react more calmly to his loved ones _incredibly stupid_ behavior. So, he was going to keep quiet about the entire ordeal until Elizabeth was ready to talk to him about it.

Lucky had not at all been satisfied with that approach.

His brother immediately disbelieved the article- it was wrong, Johnny was lying. This is was a ploy for Johnny's father to lure him out.

His absolute denial of the events matched a few of Nikolas' stray thoughts as well, however he gathered that Lucky's weren't from such a reasonable place. His was out of emotions and the nagging love he still felt for his ex-wife. A love that would consume them both. Lucky would say that their love consumed those around them too, he truly felt that Siobhan was dead because of Lucky and Elizabeth's love.

Addicts were rarely rational. Lucky was no exception to that rule.

_I long for the days when he was my brother, before that affair with Maxie. That was when he truly changed, that was when he became almost a stranger to me, and I to him._

Lucky had stormed off to get answers.

Or maybe to get high.

Nikolas looked at the phone, weighing his options heavily, before picking up and dialing. Someone had to make sure that his brother wasn't making even more of a mess of his life.

XXXXXXXX

Matt watched as Lucky left, then approached Audrey feeling a little trepidation. After all, she had just given Lucky a verbal smackdown and he wasn't in the mood to be her second target. However, Audrey smiled when she saw him and shifted her position so he could get through the door. "Dr. Hunter, how are you?"

"Surprised, actually." His gaze moved to the flowers by the bed, then the jewelry box beside them and then finally pointedly to Elizabeth. "I didn't realize our patient had a boyfriend."

"I didn't." Elizabeth said quickly, "we weren't together- he came by last night and proposed."

"And you said yes." Matt finished for her, "because?"

"Love." She smiled brightly, "you know, fireworks when you kiss, butterflies in the stomach and clammy hands kind of love."

"Oh Elizabeth," Audrey shook her head, "please reconsider."

"I'm with her on this," Matt agreed, "Johnny Zacchara is a dangerous guy. I just spent a great deal of my time willing you back to life, I really don't want that to be for nothing." He tried to make it sound teasing, but there was genuine concern for her there. Johnny was dangerous and he had enemies that were even more dangerous, he didn't even want to go over all the things that could happen to her. "Think about your safety?"

"Safety?" She asked and he could tell already that he had hit a nerve. "There is no safety in this world. I could walk out of this hospital and get hit by a car."

Her words were twisted and unhappy, he could see the sorrow misting her eyes and immediately felt bad for jumping in on her first thing. "Look, I'm your friend, Elizabeth. I'm not judging you here, I just want you to be alive."

She looked down at her hands, that Matt noted were ringless. "You're both right, no- I'm sorry. I'm not mad, I'm not." She looked back up and was wearing a wry smile. "I just…I've been through a lot."

"Right. Of course." _Idiot, just pile it on her and see how long it takes before she has a medical relapse. Smart move, Hunter_. He shook his head, "let's check you out and see how those vitals are doing." He gave her his best smile and then took the stethoscope, pressing it to her chest and telling her to breathe. At first he was focused on the work, so far she sounded fine.

Then something changed. He looked up to see her breathing for him, just as he had asked. There she was, no make-up, hair tangled, pale from her recent almost-encounter with her ex…and she was still incredibly beautiful. Large sapphire eyes, bee-stung lips, porcelain skin- like some kind of gothic princess waiting to be swept away. She was so fragile in appearance, so tragic in history but behind those eyes was a fire that couldn't be missed.

"Is everything okay?" She asked, making him painfully aware of his staring. "Matt?"

"Uh. Yes. Sorry." He straightened up, "so far so good."

Mechanically he went to take her blood pressure. _What the hell is wrong with you? You're with Maxie and your patient's love-life is a damn train wreck. Stop it, Hunter. _Her blood pressure was good too.

"Well, we've got a specialist coming in to see about your wound that is having trouble healing." He told her, "they should be in soon."

Elizabeth nodded, "are you okay? You look ill."

"Me? I'm not the one who almost died, remember? I am, however, the one that saved your life."

She chuckled and smiled brightly, "you will get your brownies, Dr. Modest." She told him.

"Dr. Hunter, you are a miracle worker. My husband would have been so proud to have you on staff." She smiled at him too, then glanced at Elizabeth. "but if you don't mind, I'd like to have some time with Elizabeth before the specialist comes."

"I take that as high praise then, and sure. I'll just exit stage left." He gave an exaggerated nod to Elizabeth and then stepped out of the room, almost bumping into the bodyguard as he left.

XOXOXOXO

It was his tenth cup of coffee. Johnny was pretty sure that he would have a heart attack if he had anymore. However, when he left Elizabeth's room, he hadn't gone to sleep- he leapt into action. After his first two cups he achieved safety for Elizabeth's hospital room. New guards, his most trusted, were appointed to guarding her room. They all had a list of who could enter- and a list of those who absolutely could _not_ enter- Elizabeth's room.

Cups four, five and six were downed before and during his call to the newspaper so that the announcement would ready for when it went to print. Handing his story over to the editor was a big part of his plan, the sooner the story went viral, the better. It took a few hours, and another cup of coffee, but he got it done in time for the morning paper- the town was abuzz before breakfast had hit the tables of most homes in Port Charles. He was _that_ good.

Cups eight and nine were downed during his ring shopping. He picked a beauty out- which didn't take that long, then cheerfully purchased the roses and delivered them himself. Everything seemed to be lining up. He already hired a contractor to start working on Elizabeth's house, making it safer and look as though he had been giving _her_ money to do those modifications to her home. Now he was on cup ten.

That was when Ethan showed up.

Who was pissed.

The youngest Spencer brother was wearing his usual short-sleeved almost-dress shirt over a plain white tee and a pair of jeans- his expression, however, was unusually sour. "You've got to be kidding me. You're marrying my brother's ex-wife? Are you out of your mind? She's still mad over him."

A knock interrupted them, then the guard opened the door and announced Lulu's arrival. "What is going on? Since when were you with Elizabeth Webber?"

She glanced at Ethan who greeted her then said, "I was just asking the same thing, sis. It doesn't make any sense at all, Liz is still completely head over heels for Lucky."

"No, she isn't." Johnny responded, sipping the hot liquid down and wondering when a headache from lack of sleep was going to begin. Probably soon.

"What kind of con is this?"

"No con. We're in love. I thought you'd both be happy. Doesn't this let your brother off the hook?"

This caused Ethan pause, and he tilted his head to the side. "You two weren't even dating."

"I definitely would have known," Lulu put in, sounding confused- and was that hurt in her voice? Johnny was really too tired to care at that point. It had been an exhausting 24 hours for him.

Lulu looked put together as always, especially in comparison to her brother. Her golden locks were smooth and straight, laying over her shoulders by just a little. She was wearing a lacy white shirt, a brown leather jacket over it and a pair of designer jeans that she looked poured into. They were siblings, not raised together and with very little in common and that showed in their night and day contrast. Sometimes Johnny wondered if they would have even become friends had they not ended up related. His introspection on the topic was cut short by the need to forego any kind of doubt cast on his 'engagement.' "Sure we were." Johnny put in with a smile, then set his coffee cup down on the coffee table. "Are you mad because I didn't tell you, Ethan? Aw, did I hurt your feelings?"

He rolled his eyes, "My feelings are fine, ass. I just know a con when I see one."

"Apparently not." Johnny yawned, "I left the bar last night, went to Elizabeth and we reconciled."

"You were hammered."

"Wait- you went to see her last night?" Lulu added to Ethan's comment.

"It takes a few drinks in me to get me to swallow my pride, and yes, this happened last night." Johnny countered, "but a drunk Johnny is an honest Johnny. I went to her room, told her that I couldn't stand being without her and thinking of a world without her in it shook me to the core." Johnny slapped a hand on Ethan's back, "nothing scares the piss out of you quite like thinking you'll lose someone you love forever, Ethan."

"When did you even have time to date her? And what was that garbage outside of her hospital room while she was comatose? You were concerned, but not like…I'm about to lose the love of my life concerned." Lulu stated, "and you asked me all those questions about her?"

Johnny regarded her thoughtfully, but he was quick on his feet and had an answer already leaving his mouth before a moment of hesitation. "I'm a jealous guy, Lu. I just wanted to make sure she wasn't lying to me about her relationship with Lucky. I was also _still_ trying to keep our secret. I didn't want to betray her."

Ethan snorted, "sounds like the kind of trust you should base a marriage on."

"So you have issues in the relationship?" Lulu added.

"We broke up a lot, sure." Johnny nodded, "but trust me, the make ups were worth it."

Ethan balked, "Are you kidding me?"

"Look," Johnny knew it was going to be tough convincing Ethan and Lulu about the engagement, but his patience was thin from lack of sleep and being forced to have a fake relationship with the mother of a cop's two kids. It really wasn't his day and he was pretty close to taking it all out on his best friend. _Calm down. You can't snap. You have to be convincing or you'll never stay out of jail. _"Elizabeth wanted us to keep quiet about our relationship. Hell, we broke up over that alone twice. But I get why, you know? She's got a family to think about. And, you know, she was worth keeping quiet for."

"Oh? And how exactly did this relationship begin?" Lulu asked darkly.

Johnny took a deep breath, "I went in for checkup, she was my nurse. As it turns out, we have some things in common."

"Oh?" Lulu was incredulous, "like what?"

He turned his gaze fully on hers, "love of the arts, movie-preferences, places we like to eat. You know, normal stuff."

"And what about life goals, how much common ground did you find there?" Ethan wanted to know. He glanced at his sister, who looked just as dissatisfied with the responses they were given. "What kind of similarities are there between a nurse and a strip-club owning mobster?"

Johnny rolled his eyes, "so we have different backgrounds, so we have a few impending decisions on what are future will be, so what? And yes, there have been some bumps in the road- but neither Elizabeth, nor I, are the type to let that stop love." He turned and poured himself a water, as his mouth was dry from all the coffee. "She and I are both very passionate people- and when we're together that passion, well, it's stronger than anything standing in our way."

"I just…I can't believe this. So she was screwing both of my brothers and my ex-boyfriend?"

"Don't take it so personally, Lu." Johnny took another drink of water and then turned to look at his ex. "And no, it wasn't happening at the same time."

"This is just absurd." Ethan added, "I thought you knew that Elizabeth was trouble."

"And I'm not?" Johnny posed, "sure, she's trouble. I like trouble. If I was some _normal_ guy, like a doctor or a lawyer, or say, a cop, I'd be concerned for me too. She'd eat me alive. I'm not. I can take care of myself."

"Who is going to take care of her children?" Lulu wanted to know, "my brother's kids? One is already gone, how could she put the other two in danger?"

"The kids were already in the line of fire the moment Lucky took on a case that went _against_ mobsters. You think just because he was a cop people were going to leave his family alone? Yeah, he's on the right side of the law- but it isn't any less dangerous than my side." His point, while he just made up off the top of his head, made a lot of sense. He considered it separately from the conversation and wondered if Lucky or Liz really knew how much his profession could have cost them. "At least now they'll have protection."

Lulu was suddenly very quiet, as if weighing something else in her mind. "I have to go- this is just too surreal."

"Sure. Take care, Lu." There wasn't time to be concerned for her fragile state- he had enough coming his way. Besides, Dante would take care of her and she had Ethan watching her back. Lulu was going to be fine.

She nodded, then glanced at Ethan who was looking at her with real concern. "Dinner, later?"

"Sure, I'll grab Lucky. We'll make it a family thing."

"Good idea." She looked at Johnny, shook her head one more time and then was out the door. As it shut, Ethan looked him straight in the eyes.

"So tell me what is really going on here."

XOXOXOXO

Olivia listened as Steven Webber raged on about what poor decisions his sister made- but she was only half listening. What was Johnny doing? He couldn't really be with Elizabeth. He would have told her- but then she had told him on numerous occasions that her own boyfriend was off limits for discussion so…

No. No. She would have known.

"What the hell is she thinking?" He hit the newspaper, with the back of his hand. "Johnny is the number one suspect in her attempted murder- if it wasn't him, it was his psycho father." He paced the confines of her apartment, lab coat abandoned on the couch. "Does she have a death wish? Does she want to die? What the hell?" He reached in his pocket and looked at his phone, "oh, I have to take this." His expression darkened even further as he answered it and then walked into the bathroom shutting the door for privacy.

Olivia was left with her own thoughts- Steven was angrier than she thought he would be, but then he was often questioning her choices- which Olivia had to admit, were often questionable. However, Olivia was more likely to cut the girl some slack. Someone had to.

Liz and John? It just didn't seem like match that added up in her head.

She looked up as pounding started on the door. Quickly she got up and opened it to see Lucky Spencer standing there, and he was definitely not someone she expected. "Olivia? I need your help."

"My help?" she furrowed her brow, "with what?"

"I need you to talk some sense into Johnny Zacchara. I need him to break up with Elizabeth, and I need it to happen now; before she and my kids get killed in his stupid fucking mob war."

XOXOXOXO

"That…was a nice break." Robin said with some mischief in her eyes as she approached the Nurse's Station. Much to her dismay Epiphany stood before she and Patrick, her expression held more irritation than usual. "Something wrong?"

"More drugs are missing."

"Whoah, what?" Matt approached quickly, eyebrows drawn together. He flashed a look of surprise at both his brother and Robin. She glanced at Patrick, who looked perplexed as well. "But that janitor guy is gone."

Epiphany shrugged, "apparently his accomplice is not. We need to have everything checked- we need to make sure the right drugs are in the right places." She looked at Robin, "which means organization. I guess that's all you, Chief."

Robin dug her teeth into her lower lip, mind already wheeling and dealing through possible ways to go through all the medications as quickly and accurately as possible. Her conclusion was an unhappy one, "we can't just trust anyone to help."

"So it will take longer," Patrick grimaced. 'Matt, you in?"

"Sure. Of course. 'Piph?"

The nurse sighed, "why not? I don't have a life right now anyway. Which means that I'm doing alright in this town, if you ask me."

Matt rolled his eyes, "so? Go, team, go, I guess." He whirled around the corner of the desk to join them in the middle of the nurse's station.

"Let me call the sitter- it's going to be a long night." Patrick told them with a grim expression.

XOXOXOXO

"How many more tests are there going to be, Grams?" Elizabeth complained as they wheeled her back to her prison- or rather hospital room. "I need to get out of here. I need to get things done."

Audrey chuckled, "you're just like your grandfather. Such a bad patient."

"It would be his bad qualities I possess, wouldn't it?" Elizabeth tried to get out of the wheelchair on her own so that she could climb back into bed, but it was rather difficult and so she didn't fight off her grandmother's hands as they helped lift her into the bed. She situated herself and then looked into Audrey's eyes. They were warm and loving- like a mother's should be.

"Don't be ridiculous." She said chidingly, "stop putting meanings behind things that aren't there."

"But then she wouldn't be Elizabeth."

Elizabeth looked up to see Nikolas standing by the door, but that was interrupted by two little boys running toward the bed with ample enthusiasm and even more smiles. "Mommy!" Cam immediately climbed into her bed, but his cousin Spencer waited shyly on the ground next to Audrey. Elizabeth took her son into her arms, ignored the pain of her wound, and hugged him like there would be no tomorrow. Then she motioned for Spencer to come up to and did the same for him, giving them both many kisses on their sweet little heads. "We drew you more pictures but there at home waiting for you."

"Yeah," Spencer added with a little smile. "I drew you a _big castle- _ with a mote! Father says that castles must have motes."

"He is quite right," Elizabeth nodded very seriously, "motes are key themes in castle-making, I've read it many times."

Cam grinned, "I drew a _dragon_." His excitement over it was practically bursting out of him, "he breathes _fire_."

"Of course he does," She agreed, "is he super duper scaly?"

"And _green_."

"Oh yes, he sounds perfect." She kissed his forehead again, sweeping a curl out of his eyes. "You need a haircut, mister."

"Why? Daddy doesn't have to get one."

When she looked up at Nikolas, he was holding back laughter and she mock scowled at him. "Well, Daddy doesn't have to listen to me, you do. Mommy should probably get a haircut too." She looked up at Audrey who was taking the seat next to her and looking adoringly at the three of them.

"Fine," Cam sighed unhappily, "we'll get them together."

Elizabeth laughed and shook her head, "so have you guys been having fun at Wyndamere?"

"Uncle Nikolas is teaching me how to ride horses." Cam told her, "Spencer and I take them out every single day. Isn't that cool?"

"That is very cool." Elizabeth felt good, being there with Cam and Spencer, holding them in her arms and feeling their happiness and excitement for life engulf her. They were so simple and sweet, so perfect to her. If only every love had so few complications, if only every relationship was so very simple. "Maybe you guys will show me."

"Yeah!" The boys cried in unison.

"That would be nice," Nikolas put in, stepping in the room completely and meeting her eyes. "I hope I'm invited to?"

"Duh." She rolled her eyes, "how else are we not going to break a limb on this quest?" He smiled and she found herself smiling back at him. "Is Aiden with Alfred?"

Nikolas nodded, "he's attached, I'm afraid."

"All the better." Elizabeth laughed.

"Can I sleep here tonight?" Cam asked, "please?"

Elizabeth began to shake her head no, but Audrey was already answering for her. "I think that would be a very splendid idea. Don't you think so, Nikolas?"

He looked started that he was being asked the question, but quickly recovered. "You know, I think that's a great idea, Audrey. Hey, Spencer. How would you like to stay here tonight too?"

He lit up like a Christmas tree, "really? Can I?"

Nikolas nodded, "yes. Absolutely. In fact, Audrey- why don't you go to the Island with them and have them pack an overnight bag. Be sure to pack their colored pencils?"

She was already standing and trying to usher the children off the bed, "I will. I could use some fresh air, how very thoughtful of you."

Cam and Spencer gave her big kisses on the cheeks and then hopped down and followed Audrey out the hospital door. Her grandmother turned to give her one last smile before shutting the door behind her and leaving her alone with Nikolas.

For a moment they stood in awkward silence, but she was the one to break it. "I'm surprised you're letting them stay with me tonight. I, honestly, thought you would be the angriest about all of this, considering how you felt about Jason."

A fleeting, grim smile raised his lips, then he shrugged. "I've changed since then, learned things." Slowly he stepped a little further into the room, shoving his hands in the pockets of his meticulously pressed dress slacks. "I want you safe, but I'm not stupid enough to think that you would be safe with either Lucky or myself. We're engaged in our own wars."

"Nikolas-"

"A war we almost repeated," he went on without being deterred, "but we didn't. It didn't carry on into another generation and for that I am truly grateful."

Elizabeth swallowed painfully, "me too- but you both were always better than your fathers. I've always known that."

"You have." He nodded, took another step and the released his hands from his pockets to spread his arms open. "And you have always forgiven me, haven't you? For any trespass against you or my brother." A silence lingered between them, and he bowed his head. "This is not coming out right."

"I'm not sure what 'this' is." She confessed, feeling strangely apprehensive with Nikolas. "Are you okay?"

"I haven't been, not for a long time. I feel like I've been living somebody else's life. I feel like we all have- even Lucky. We've done things to ourselves, to each other, things that we never would have done." She didn't dare ask, she was too hopeful to. Instead she was quiet, focusing on the fearful pounding of her heart. Her eyes were locked on her friend's, and she felt a lump begin to form in her throat. "Elizabeth-"

She couldn't contain it anymore, "Nikolas, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for everything. I….I'm not sure why I've been such a basket case for so long, it isn't me. This was never me. I'm not even sure if there is a me anymore, I'm really not- but I want there to be a me. I want there to be a me and I want there to be a you- more than anything, I just want the you and me to be the you and me that used to be best friends. Can that ever happen again?"

Silence stretched on, as if he were contemplating her words severely in his mind and dread washed over her. Why should he forgive her for that mess with Lucky, the later mess with Brook Lynn- all of her scheming to try and get him back after blowing him off. She still hadn't recovered from the whiplash.

Then he smiled.

It lit his whole face.

Another moment passed and he was in front of her, hugging her gently and holding her there. The tension that had once been between them had all but vanished- and it was like they were transported through time. "I'm sorry too." He told her, "I want that too."

She felt tears in her eyes and for the hundredth time since she had woken up, Elizabeth let the tears flow. "I'm so glad," she whispered, afraid to let go. "I just…I've felt so alone."

"Me too."

He finally let go of her, because she wouldn't, and held her at arm's length just looking at her with a smile. "I think Em is here with us right now, don't you?"

Elizabeth nodded, "yeah. I mean yes. I really think she is."

He sat down beside her, "I'm going to take a page from her book then, okay?" After a confused nod from Elizabeth, he went on. "What is going on with you and Zacchara, Elizabeth? I am not asking out of anger or suspicion- I am just really, really worried about you. These guys are really dangerous, _he's_ really dangerous."

She wanted to tell him everything, but she knew that she couldn't. He would be obligated to tell Lucky and then Lucky would tell Mac- they would think they were doing the right thing, when instead they would be getting she and her kids killed. Maybe if she begged his silence, he wouldn't tell, but then he would be keeping a secret from Lucky and she had done enough to damage that relationship. When she really thought about it, she probably could beg Lucky not to tell- but secrets were the last thing a guy in recovery needed. What Lucky needed, Elizabeth decided, was to get the hell out of Port Charles.

If she were being completely honest with herself, and the dull ache that longed for him that resided in her chest, she needed Lucky to leave town too- otherwise she would never be able to let go. Time, she just needed time and rest from him to finally end this damn demented version of themselves that they had become.

On top of that, they would fully believe that they needed to ride to her rescue. They would insist they could protect her- and probably get themselves killed in the process. She didn't doubt their strength, intelligence or resources. She only doubted their ability to be cutthroat. They were good men, moral and upright.

Johnny Zacchara, however, knew how to fight fire with fire.

"You're not going to tell me, are you?" Nikolas asked, but his voice wasn't hurt, it was thoughtful and he was regarding her with his brown eyes in a manner she didn't quite recognize. "How does Audrey feel about it?"

"Um," Elizabeth chose her words very carefully, "She told Lucky that she has never approved of my relationship with Johnny."

Surprise crossed his face, "then, she knew?"

Elizabeth nodded, "yes."

There was a long silence, "You know, I think I should go get Aiden, maybe we can all sleep here tonight. It will be a party. I'll bring supplies."

"I...would really like that, Nikolas. Thank you."

He nodded respectfully before leaving Elizabeth to her thoughts. She was going to have to say goodbye to her children, but she was a little less worried now that she was forming a plan in her mind. Sending them with Lucky alone was out of the question, but sending them with Nikolas and Lucky? That provided her with some comfort. Her Cam would have Spencer to keep him company and Nikolas would take good care of them, while making sure they were safe.

Nikolas would do it because he wanted to make things up to his brother.

Lucky would take them because he was a good father and would want to keep his boys safe.

But she would miss them- miss them so much that it was already causing a pain to form in her chest. She had never been away from Cameron for very long, and the idea of not seeing his sweet little face was practically unbearable...

But never seeing him again? To know that it was her fault that his life was lost?

That _was_ unbearable.

"Knock, knock." Johnny said, sounding like he was smiling. "May I come in?"

She nodded, actually happy to not be thinking about being without her children. "You've been busy."

"I get things done." He replied smugly, stepping inside and closing the door behind him. "I needed to act quickly, people need convincing before the FEDS descend upon us and start making our lives hell."

"I understand."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She repeated softly, then bit down on her lower lip. "how has it been going on your end? Any luck getting people to believe the impossible."

Johnny snorted, "why does everyone think it's so nuts? You like the bad boys, and I don't mind a hot mess- I don't see what is so shocking that you and I have been hitting the sheets."

Her eyebrows flew up, "gee, aren't you charming?"

"Guess you shoulda stayed with that prince, eh?"

Elizabeth rolled her eyes, "stuff it, Zacharra. We need to figure out how to sell this and need to do it _fast_. We also need your psycho dad to come out of the woodwork. I want this over, don't you?"

Johnny nodded and looked serious. He leaned close to her, "well, first things first." His eyes were brown- but not dark like Matt's were. They had flecks in them that almost made them look as though there were pieces of gold in them. It was odd- being so close to him If she were to move an inch forward she could brush her lips onto his.

"We're in love." He told her softly, and his eyes dropped to her mouth. "I'm in love with you. Your soft lips, your wide, warm eyes, the way your hand brushes mine as we walk and we glance at each other with a smile. I wake up, thankful I met you." He touched her face and smiled, "when I go to bed, I hope for a short sleep so I can see you again."

She swallowed, then closed her eyes, only to reopen them and focus intently back on his. "When I'm lost, you find me- even when I don't think I'll ever be found. You understand me when no one else does, when people think I've lost my mind or when I do something crazy. You saved my life, not just in the warehouse- but a hundred little times when I felt like I was breaking."

"You gave me the strength to save your life, because you've been saving mine. I thought I would end up like my father- but every day you show me that I won't." He lifted his right hand so that he was then cupping her face. "When I look at you, I see freedom."

She closed the distance between them, touching her lips to his gently at first, then deepened the kiss as his fingers tangled themselves in the hair at the nape of her neck. He prodded her mouth open slightly, gently and slowly and she allowed it, welcomed it.

When they broke apart they were both flushed, and Elizabeth's heart was pounding from the adrenaline and success. She ran a tongue across her swollen lips. "I think we've got this."

He laughed, his hand moving to the back of his neck. "Oh yeah we do."

XOXOXO

_Audrey and Lucky have words._

_Olivia confronts Johnny_

_Lizzie gets her strength back. _


End file.
